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Dockter Duval's Advice Column

Dear Dockter Duval,

There is this girl in one of my classes that I think is absolutely gorgeous. Every day we both come in and sit in the same general area of the classroom. Sometimes it seems like she glances in my direction, but I can't really tell if she is looking at me or just finds the wall that much more interesting than the lecture. I wonder if I should say something, but I'm kind of unsure about the signals she is sending. Am I reading into her glances too much?

Sincerely,
Distracted in Class

Dear Distracted in Class,

It's difficult to tell whether she's sending signals or just admiring the nearby drywall. There is really only one way to find out if she's interested or not. Pass a note. Now, the note can't have just any old message written on it. You must ask the most poignant, and succinct question that will leave no feelings untapped and no desires unearthed: Do you "like like" me? It must then be followed with instructions to place a check in one of two drawn boxes neatly labeled "yes" and "no", and that no other choices, such as the infamous and illegal "maybe" box, are allowed. Tell her to leave the note under the basketball hoop at recess so you can delay the inevitably awkward first talk thereafter. Who can resist childhood charm?

Dear Dockter Duval,

I am having conflicts with my suite-mates, who don't laugh at any of my jokes. I've repeatedly tried to tailor my jokes to their liking, but they just don't respond. What can I do?

Sincerely,
Laughless in Charlottesville

Dear Laughless in Charlottesville,

Ever heard of nonverbal signals? Sometimes, people will act in certain ways to convey a specific message without actually having to say it. For example, usually when people don't laugh at a joke it's because the joke is not very funny. I know it sounds a bit far-fetched, but maybe your suitemates aren't responding because you're not giving them much to respond to. Your conflict sounds a lot like that of a bad painter who is dumbfounded at not having sold any works. Perhaps you should thank your suitemates for making it apparent that sometimes the jokes can be spared, and if not, the laughter certainly will be.

Dear Dockter Duval,

I began dating this guy a couple of weeks ago and so far he's been really nice. We get along great and have lots of fun together. However, he recently asked me to streak the Lawn with him and keeps insisting that it would be lots of fun. Whenever I'm not thrilled about the idea, he gives me the impression that he thinks I'm just too uptight to have a good time. What should I do?

Sincerely,
Uncomfortable with Streaking

Dear Uncomfortable with Streaking,

I'm sure this guy sincerely thinks that streaking would be lots of fun, but he also probably thinks that naked studying, naked grass watching and even naked plumbing are equally enjoyable activities, if you catch my drift. It's pretty obvious that he's trying to work mutual nudity into some sort of "normal" behavior - which is actually more creative than most guys, but as pathetic as usual. Listening to a guy about when to strip down is like asking a nymphomaniac when to get physical. Tell the guy that it's not that you're uptight, but rather that you're not that loose. Oh, and if he still insists that streaking would be tons of fun, suggest that he get all of his guy friends together for a sausage fest and they can all run around naked together

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