I am not a fan of capri pants, or "clamdiggers," or "judo pants" or whatever you want to call them. They're supposed to be on the cutting edge of men's fashion, but they look suspiciously like "highwaters." Painful memories of elementary school laughter should keep most men a safe distance from this new-fangled style and anything that resembles it.
Clothing designers introduced the three-quarter-length pants to the male wardrobe early last spring. Maybe they accidentally mixed up the Barbie department with the men's department. Capri pants look quite nice on the ladies, and that's a good enough reason for gentlemen not to wear them.
Luckily the male capri look has not caught on yet at the University. On the surface at least, University men have maintained a casual style that hasn't changed much since last season. This essentially means they're still wearing the same stuff they wore in ninth grade. Fall wardrobes include sweaters and pants, while spring wardrobes include shirts and shorts. It's really not that complicated.
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However, there are many occasions at the University when males abandon their normal dress code. (No, I'm not talking about overnight visitations.) Home football games are a good example. The standard outfit seems to be a button-down Oxford shirt with a matching orange-and-blue tie. It doesn't matter if you wear shorts, slacks, or cargos, just as long as they're tan-colored. I've seen ties worn with sandals as well. Males carry on this hallowed tradition of dressing up regardless of temperature extremes - at the sweltering BYU game the long-sleeved shirts and ties still came out in full force.
Keep in mind that college males will only sport ties for important occasions, such as appearing in traffic court or hitting up rich grandmothers for cash. The fact, then, that they get dressed up on hot Saturday afternoons just shows their utmost respect and enthusiasm for Cavalier football.
Showing respect isn't the only reason for special game day dress, however. I've noticed the shirts and ties add a certain civilized look to the student section at football games. This is most apparent when students sing "The Good Old Song." They sway back and forth with glazed eyes and beer cups in hand, groaning out the words at the top of their lungs. Honestly, the entire student section looks like a mob of zombies during the song. But at least a lot of the zombies are wearing ties.
So what are the party clothes of choice for University men? It truly depends on where the gathering is, and who's going.
If you're planning to hit Rugby Road, do yourself a favor and dress like a frat boy. This will increase your chances of getting into a party, unless your group is more than 25 percent male (in which case you have no chance). Baggy cargo pants or shorts fit the bill, and almost any shirt will work, as long as the shirt doesn't have anything on it resembling physics equations. (Physics equations are, however, acceptable if you're partying at Trigon, the Engineering frat.) T-shirts, pique polo shirts, button-down shirts, and beach shirts are all acceptable party-wear on Rugby Road.
The only accessory to worry about is shoes. Don't choose a pair that you value. They will be stepped on repeatedly by people attempting to dance. The same people will spill their beverages on you, some of which will land on your shoes. There won't be much light anyway, so no one will notice what's on your feet.
You can be less cautious at the non-Rugby parties ("house parties"), so choose your clothing accordingly. You will be the best judge of how casual or formal to dress. Go the extra mile and wash your hair if you want to impress that girl you've been eyeing lately.
A final point worth mentioning is the local dance club scene. This includes off-Grounds hot spots like clubs Vital and Bliss, as well as dance parties sponsored by student organizations.
It should be fairly obvious that these are not shorts-and-sneakers events. If you do wear shorts, expect the big scary guy at the door to make grunting noises in your direction. The noises mean he's about to lay the smack down...on you.
Looking good at a dance party is no substitute for being able to dance, but having a clean, sharp look is still important. Wearing pants that actually fit is key. (Don't wear jeans, though.) Excessively baggy pants will make you look like a local high school kid, while tight pants will keep anything human five feet away from you.
Shirts are a matter of personal preference. Common styles are ribbed T-shirts, dress shirts and synthetic blend "club shirts." Color is much more important than style here - black and gray are the most popular, but other dark shades work, too. Dark colors are generally considered to be more sophisticated than bright ones. This means you shouldn't go into a club looking like a Sesame Street character on Prozac.
I realize this is a lot for male readers to think about, and much of it will probably be lost. If you end up forgetting most of what I've said, just remember the following: Don't wear women's clothing (e.g. capri pants). Avoid looking like a resurrected zombie at football games. And try not to resemble the furry animals on children's television. If you stick to these simple guidelines, I promise you'll be well on your way to becoming a fashionable University male.
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