When the premise is one of the greatest stories ever told - Alexandre Dumas' "The Three Musketeers" - a movie has a lot to live up to. But because the story is so amazing, there should be a lot to work with. One almost has to try to make it uninteresting. However, director Peter Hyman, whose previous works include such thrillers as "End of Days" and "The Relic," has managed to mangle this classic into something that caused at least one man to walk out of the theater in disgust.
Almost everybody knows the story, and the movie actually sticks fairly closely to it. As a young man, D'Artagnon comes to Paris with hope of becoming a Musketeer, having been trained by his father's mentor, Planchet. After meeting up with Athos, Porthos and Aramis, he proceeds to alienate himself from Cardinal Richelieu, the man who is trying to discredit the throne in an attempt to gain control of France. Through his girlfriend, Mme. Bonacieux, D'Artagnan becomes involved with the Queen of France and her attempts to reconcile relationships with Lord Buckingham of England.
The subplot and the reason for D'Artagnan's wanting to become a Musketeer is his vow to kill the murderer of his parents. This man is Febre, an ex-Musketeer himself, now the Cardinal's henchman, and the one responsible for wreaking the havoc that threatens to cause the overthrow of King Louis XIII.
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D'Artagnan, played by Justin Chambers of "The Wedding Planner," has been one of the most heroic figures in all of literature and film. Chambers, though possessing the necessary dashing good looks, does not possess the necessary acting skills to convincingly play the part. Mena Suvari, of "American Pie," plays Mme. Bonacieux, D'Artagnan's feisty romantic interest. Playing a sharp-tongued girl with a quick wit, Suvari, though capable, is unable to convey the damsel-in-distress image that a movie of this sort requires. Catherine Deneuve does an adequate job of acting regal and self-reliant as the Queen of France but has far too small a part. Stephen Rea as Cardinal Richelieu also does an adequate job at his role, convincing as a scheming yet cowardly man.
Much of the rest of the cast, Athos and Porthos (Jan Gregor Kremp and Steven Spiers, respectively), and Planchet (Jean-Pierre Cataldi) are mediocre secondary actors. The only bright light is Tim Roth, who recently played General Thade from "Planet of the Apes." Not only is he great in the role of villain, but his character is the only one the script has infused any character into.
He has several darkly humorous one-liners, which he pulls off with a straight face and a sinister manner. In both movies, his seeming casualness toward death and destruction is downright chilling. However, as good as he is, he unfortunately can't make up for how bad everybody else is.
Not only is the script for the characters bad, the storyline is developed poorly. The love story between D'Artagnan and Bonacieux is cheesy and contrived. D'Artagnan's sense of revenge never feels as though it has any conviction behind it - it's more like something to be done for the hell of it.
In one of the movie's more confusing moments we see what is supposed to be a tender scene between D'Artagnan and his horse Sarga, as the horse collapses after being ridden particularly hard. The only problem is that there had never been any indication of him caring that much for his horse beforehand.
However, as bad as all these aspects are, a swashbuckling adventure can always be at least somewhat redeemed by good swordfights. And good swordfights are what this movie has promoted. But, once again, the movie falls flat. Between director Hyams and stunt coordinator Xin Xin Xiong, any realism and credibility that might have existed has been destroyed.
It isn't the frequency of the fights that becomes tiresome, it's how the fights seem to surface with little to no reason, and how each one tries to be more dramatic than the last, even when unwarranted by the situation. Nor are the fights themselves at all entertaining. Not only are they too "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon"-inspired, with gravity-defying tricks and kung-fu style moves, but the way they are filmed, at high speeds and with very dark conditions, makes it near impossible to tell who is who.
Without feeling any attachment to the fights, to the characters, or to the story, "The Musketeer" is little better than a 17th-century spaghetti western. In fact, the lack of a climactic scene in which good triumphs over evil makes this worse than the worst spaghetti western. A movie such as this should leave viewers with dreams of becoming a fearless musketeer, not dreams of getting their six dollars and two hours back.
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