Girls lust for romance likeguys lust for sex. The truth is that sex and romance are comparable in that neither is meant to be random and meaningless.
When I asked my friend Marcus what he thought would be a romantic gesture, he looked blank and after a moment's thought replied hesitantly, "to have a sixth toe?" Upon seeing that he had left me utterly speechless in a stupor of disappointment, he quickly turned his concentration back to the puerile battle between his fork and macaroni.
Guys just don't have a clue.
Reciting Shakespeare in the light of the moon is not romantic. What's romantic is when your best friend is pushing you around a grocery store in a shopping cart when he finds the intercom phone in the dairy section and decides to take this moment to declare his affection in his own boyish way. "As this tub of cream cheese as my witness, I would like to announce that this here girl is amazing and I am entirely and completely happy when she's near me. Thank you and come check out this two for one sale on Yoohoos."
To me, romance is best when it's spontaneous. And it doesn't have to be some enormous gesture. I'm especially turned off by the guy who tries to win my heart through a Tiffany's tennis bracelet. To me, that's cheating. Like sex -- when money gets involved, the act is cheapened and so are the people involved.
More often than not, true romance tends to manifest itself on ordinary days, but there are times such as an anniversary or birthday when it is definitely appropriate to buy her a gift. But how can you get her something meaningful without seeming ordinary? Get her something with intimate value like tickets to A Perfect Circle or a signed copy of Barbara Kingsolver's "Bean Trees." Flowers and candy are nice (and nothing more). They are so cheesy that she'll need a box of crackers to come with it.
It's like the difference between having sex and making love (it's all about what's on your mind).
Making romance is when you surprise her one day with a scavenger hunt leading to you as the treasure. Or sneak a box of Lucky Charms into her cupboard that you "modified" to only contain the delectable marshmallows. (Note: This same romantic technique can also be performed using pink starburst and works on even the most cynical sex columnists *wink, wink*).
Unfortunately, some girls may swoon for shiny heart-shaped gifts, and if that's okay by you, so be it. But if romance and sex display gender parallels, then ask yourself what it is that you want: a superficial menstruating object or a cute girl who reminds you of Topanga Lawrence from "Boy Meets World." Because like sex, romance too can be enjoyed by both genders.
It is the "everyday" romance that drives us girls wild. Tantalize us with ingenuity (steer clear of Hallmark moments) and relish romance as it were a fetish.
Kate Carlisle is a Health & Sexuality Columnist. She can be reached at kate@cavalierdaily.com
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