Check out these sweet U.Va. football cheer palindromes I came up with:
Go Cavalier! Us? Sure, I lava-cog.
Do, Groh! Trample! Help mar, Thor god!
Virginia Tech students are inferior to us and DNA su otro ir ef nierastne dutshce tainig riv!
(The last one is partly in Spanish and badly misspelled German. I wouldn't expect you to understand or be able to appreciate its brilliance.)
Speaking of ways to liven up football games (other than not playing defense), I think the marching band should start its pre-game show by dragging an enormous wagon onto the field. Every time we'd score a touchdown, a bunch of fans would be invited to jump on the bandwagon. Then during halftime the wagon's crew would attempt to ford a river, crash, get cholera and not make it to Oregon. This would allow more people to hop on board for the second half. (P.S. No crew will ever make it to Oregon. P.P.S. But we will make it past Western Michigan. ... Barely.)
My new iPod is so small you can't even see it unless you hold it up to direct sunlight. It holds over 10,000,000 songs I would never listen to -- not even if I had the time. I take my iPod with me when I go jogging, and I pass other joggers with iPods that are so big they have to clip them to their elastic armbands. Mine is small enough to keep wedged under my pinky nail. Headphones? Screw headphones. If I were actually listening to the music, how could I hear people compliment my new iPod? There is also a built-in feature where the iPod detects all mp3 players not manufactured by Apple Computer, Inc. within a seven-mile radius and shoots destructive gamma rays at these products. The thing has never missed its mark. Although, one thing I don't like is how it's impossible to turn off this feature, even when I'm sleeping or when the iPod itself appears to be off. Actually, that part is a little scary. Um, I just remembered I'm not supposed to be talking about this. Moving on ...
I'm all for multiple choice questions, but the whole system is getting out of hand. Here's a question from one of my midterms from last year that I think illustrates my point:
T.S. Eliot wrote "The Waste Land," which juxtaposes man and his counterpoint in several bleak and transitive instances. Based on Euler's method, which of the following serve(s) to corroborate any of the tenets of modern Buddhist thought as it/they relate(s) to these subjects and to the hermeneutical arguments for the effects of Impressionism on a series of experiments conducted in quantum mechanics in the 1960s, which just so happened to overlap with the Civil Rights Movement?
a)all of the below
b)Manlius Torquatus
c)some of the above
d)"D and B, or C" but not "D, and B or C"
e)There's a choice "E"??
f)You're damn right there's a choice "E." Keep going.
g)Reaganomics
i)Dude, you skipped H.
j)Maybe that's a clue, Jack. Ever think of that?
k)Marlon Brando circa "A Streetcar Named Desire" (a.k.a. "Buff Brando")
l)Does it make a difference caps vs. no caps? Like how come answer choices within other answer choices are capitalized, but when a new answer choice is presented, the corresponding letter is lower case? I just want to make sure I'm covering all of my bases here.
m)All of the correct answers heretofore and hereafter presented within the context of this particular question apply to whatever ends are sought by the inquiry with regard to nothing else but sheer veracity.
This just seemed a little convoluted and arbitrarily methodical to me. But in the end, I picked D. (It was a gut shot, I'll admit. I just figured any answer that made a reference to itself had to be worth something. Plus, while M seemed like a solid choice, the Scantron sheet didn't even come close to providing a bubble for it.) Anyway, I wish I could tell you the right answer, but I never got the test back. In fact, it turned out this test was for a class that had been canceled well before the semester had begun. ... The Fall 1983 semester. That was a transcript disaster, needless to say. And ISIS just sat there, watching.
I'd like to end by welcoming those students who have arrived at U.Va. after having been displaced by the Hurricane Katrina disaster. Just remember one thing while you're here: What happens in Charlottesville stays in Charlottesville. Mainly because nobody outside of Charlottesville cares what happens in Charlottesville. Have fun!
Dan Dooley's column runs bi-weekly on Fridays. He can be reached at dooley@cavalierdaily.com.
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