Are you: 1) Routinely labeled a nice guy?
2) The kind of guy who has actually gotten coffee with a female friend just because she was mad about something?
3) The kind of guy who actually loves what he does academically?
4) The kind of guy who believes he can make a small, significant difference in the world?
5) Able to talk to any girl you just met for hours, but completely unable to have a first date set up by the end of your conversation?
6) Someone who has more majors than girls' phone numbers?
If you fit the above criteria and are hitting your third or fourth years, you are probably starting to notice something odd. Girls are asking you out. It seems after two to three years of walking home empty-handed after four-hour parties, you suddenly have a few phone numbers written on your hand. Let me point out what you already may have noticed: The phone numbers you are getting are not from run-of-the-mill women, but are some of the most attractive women that U.Va. has to offer. Why did this happen all of a sudden? What happened to, "I'm sorry, I think of you as a friend," or the classic, "You're just too nice"? Let's examine the women that would recite these statements:
Originally, it was likely that either one of the following was true about the women you got rejected by:
1) They didn't care about your potential.
2) They didn't care about your potential.
This subgroup of women often will give the responses listed below when told they don't care about potential:
"It's not that I don't care about you, I just don't know what I want right now."
After 18 years of her life she couldn't figure out what she wants? I have a 5-year-old cousin who knows that she doesn't like it when boys are mean to her teacher. Any woman who doesn't know what she wants by the time she is 18 to 20 years old should seriously concern any nice guy out there. Were her parents MIA? What happened?
"We really are good for each other, but I just don't want a long-term relationship."
Literally translated this response says, "You make me so happy, but I don't want anyone that will make my heart skip a beat/sweep me off my feet." She actually knows what she wants, finds it, and then rejects it?! That's like saying you don't want to buy your dream car because it prevents you from buying another car. However, the exception to this rule is that sometimes you may meet a girl when her best friend/parent/someone important dies. They are much too emotionally drained to worry about a new budding relationship. Sorry, I just don't know what to tell you in that case. Both of us know that when things like that happen, relationships rarely work out. Not that it stops us from holding out for her and helping her feel better.
My Personal Favorite:
"I just want to get all the wildness out of my system and go crazy for a few years."
This is said by a woman that actually decides to go on a date with a nice guy and by date number two is shocked and scared by how content she is. This same girl believes that the best days in her life are in college and anything after is just boring and monotonous. You're fighting for a future you can be happy with, and she lives her life right now so she can spend the rest of her life envying this small sliver of it. That's so depressing I can't even make a bad joke out of it.
So what do you do with the ridiculously attractive girls who would have rejected you a few years ago? You fight back. Turn them down. That's right. Turn them down. You'll just have to trust me on this one. Plenty more will come. We need to tell these women that we will not put up with their bullsh*t. We are men. We are good guys. We only want great girls.
I promise you, as a fellow nice guy, there are tons of intelligent, self-respecting and ridiculously attractive women out there. We care about our lives and we will only date women that have always cared about their own lives. So, I say if she can't keep up with you when you are discussing the politics of Darfur, dump her. If she doesn't know the difference between an electron cloud and a nucleus, dump her. Or, if she doesn't know the subjunctive tense from the present tense, dump her. If she ever would have turned you down for a party boy, alpha male, dump her. She's not worth it.
Ninety percent of your happiness in life is dependent on the person with whom you end up. Like I said, there are plenty of sensible, genius, and, well, hot women who walk the face of this earth. Don't waste one date, one Valentine's Day, or worse, your entire life, with one who doesn't deserve you. Being a "nice guy" is not a shortcoming that requires you lower your standards and enable the following generations of women to "snap up" the nice guys when it is convenient for them. If you think it is, you are hurting all the nice guys who came before you, all of the nice guys who will come after you and worst of all, you are hurting yourself.
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