As most of us have already noticed, the University apparently decided to direct our sexual attention to dorm rooms, as a suspiciously disproportionate number of dorms have been named after reproductive anatomy (Johnson, Woody, Peters, Gooch). I am just waiting for the day a first year finds out she has been assigned to live in "338 Breastisis."
Aside from the hilarious truth that there's a caboodle of wealthy University alumni with publicized names like "Cocke," there is another subtle irony in having a plethora of buildings named after phalluses -- that is, we are not publicly exploitative of our sexuality. While roaming Grounds, it would be a rarity to see a couple smooching, as pda is uncommon around here. As the names of our dorms suggest, we keep our private parts private -- confining our sexuality as an indoor recreation.
Or do we? Because as I walk through the pda-free campus, I am bombarded by a different sort of public display of affection. This pda is frighteningly contagious and ugly. What is this pda I speak of? It is a masturbation of the ego, or, as most people call it, conceit. The blatant focus on outward appearances is a certain way to make all those precious hours at the gym completely worthless; a perfectly proportioned body all too often leads to an enormously-sized head. I so wish that it was our egos that could be restricted to the privacy of our dorms. Perhaps renaming the buildings "Macho Hall" or "Dild-ego Dormitory" would help things out. No? Well, it was just a thought.
It's not really about a person's clothes or hair but rather how they act, speak and respond. As a school of over-achievers, we tend to reward ourselves when we succeed. So I suppose when the girl with the lazy eye and bad breath discovers she gets tons of attention when she sports those oversized Jackie-O ripoff sunglasses and refuses to speak, she may feel as though that makes her a "winner." She may then start to walk with her nose in the air so that everyone else can be reminded that she has "won." This is public self-gratification.
So as a trend grows exponentially (such as girls wearing huge sunglasses to force guys to imagine what their faces might look like), there is a false sense of success and an even more fake exploitation of ego.
In general, by wearing clothes that could well be "hand-me-ups" from your 8-year-old sister, remember that you are wittingly directing guys' attention to your body instead of your mind. It is hard for me to believe that most guys are the insensitive jerks we make them out to be, always "wanting one thing." But, by dressing promiscuously, you are only advertising that "one thing," so don't complain when guys tend look to you for "that thing" and seem to find meaningful conversation with your adorable roommate in pigtails and overalls. But most of all, remind yourself of your equality -- a head turn from a guy passing on the street does not justify using a cell phone to expose your infinite popularity or give you reason to pretend to be annoyed by the attention. In conclusion, my dear cell phone-aholic, puerile pursuits for a popular image are essentially devoid of any bona fide value.
Kate Carlisle is a Health & Sexuality columnist. She can be reached at kate@cavalierdaily.com.
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