My first column of the year, addressing the students' encounters with relationship life at the University, received much acclaim from the student body. Succumbing to student demand and his zealous addiction to his title as Dr. K. (with a Ph.D. in Love, Sex and Satisfaction), yours truly brings you Part II in the Relationship Series at U.Va.
The first issue at hand comes from a discussion with friends about their "new friends." "New friends" obviously garners quotations due to the extravagant and at the same time contradictory conceptions of the word "friends" that exist within the minds of students. Many students apparently struggle with the concept of "cuddle buddy" and its sleazy cousin, the "f-buddy."
Initially, I must say that I cannot stand the latter term as a title, but for the relevance of this column, I will proceed with its usage. For those struggling with understanding their relationships, let me clarify the terms.
A "cuddle buddy" is a person with whom you spend numerous (this term is not all that subjective) nights, daytime naps or even those sham "study breaks" with holding hands, hugging, kissing, snuggling and so on. A person who is caught in this situation quite often with several different people is a promiscuous "cuddle buddy." Do not be in denial. There are an abundance of students who want to paint a picture of innocence on their head when they lay up with someone new every week or even every day. Yes, you are a promiscuous being.
An "f-buddy" is a person with whom you spend numerous occasions involved in any sexual act above kissing -- that clarification needs to be made because kissing is essentially a sexual act. For those who have "loose lips," you are, by the Doctor's standard, degrading the sensual act of kissing.
Back to the issue of the "f-buddy." If you laughed at the previous discussion of promiscuity, the Doctor says you aren't much better.
Now that I've explained the "buddy system," the real issue at hand deals with the boundaries around the "buddy" characterization. Specifically, there are numerous students who want to label someone as a buddy but are catching feelings like a high school student in a strip club.
"Cuddle buddies" spend time outside their typical cuddling times. At the same time, studying together, eating together and constantly calling one another definitely means the relationship has breached the boundaries of "buddy." The Doctor understands the impetus behind the denial, but trying to avoid vulnerability by acting unattached may, in the end, be a detriment to a potentially strong relationship. Realize the truth that "cuddle buddies" essentially do not exist because every "cuddle buddy" falls for the other "cuddle buddy" at some level and some point.
"F-buddies" spend little to no time outside their typical gatherings. Those that do are in complete denial of a budding relationship. Again, the Doctor would say: Realize the truth that "f-buddies" essentially do not exist because every "f-buddy" falls for the other "f-buddy" at some level and some point. Yes, even the wanna-be hard men catch feelings at some level.
With this new and valuable information on the intricacies of the "buddy" life, the Doctor only hopes that University students realize the situations in which they live and address them accordingly. Stop living in denial, attempting to label certain persons as students when other things underline a different meaning.
Kurt Davis is a Health & Sexuality Columnist. He can be reached at kurt@cavalierdaily.com
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