Do you remember losing your virgin-ity?The soft sound of waves lap-ping the shore, the taste of wine, scent of a vanilla candle and a near award winning choreography of sexual ecstasy?
Ah ha.Not so much.
For most of us, memories from the first time involve awkward attempts to recreate some Barbara Streisand Hollywood romance.But, oh, how is it that the most valiant attempts are often the most brutal.Trying to be too sexy, for instance, can quickly turn into a gruesome duel between you and your fearless underwear, that now have you harnessed in a half-nelson chicken-wing.
Who is to blame for this unrealistic impression that sex (particularly losing your virginity) must somehow glisten with perfection?Hollywood?Religion?Our parents?
Who cares, really.The point is that we can think for ourselves and consciously decide that sex is a skill, an expression and a recreation.
First of all, the notion that "the first time" should be "the most important" is absolutely absurd.Is the first time you ride a bike "the most important?"Not at all... and in fact, you can and should expect the very worst.The same goes for sex -- the value of the experience is circumstantial and is best when you know what you're doing.
As I was walking home from a 2 a.m. trip to Little John's one Friday night, I stumbled upon a first-year girl choking on her tears, as if she had just learned that her father had died.But her father hadn't died.As she confessed to me her sorrows, I realized that her tears were of a sad disrespect toward herself.
The night, she had (drunkenly, but willingly) had sex with a guy she didn't know at all.It was the second time she'd ever had sex.She felt guilty, ashamed and "slutty."
What was this fear biting at her stomach?She had used a condom and was on birth control.She was safe.She would never judge anyone else for making that same mistake and yet her face was but a puddle of shame.
Kate Carlisle is a Cavalier Daily Health & Sexuality Columnist. She can be reached at carlisle@cavalierdaily.com.
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