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Barbers make your accolades look silly

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Tiki and Ronde Barber make me sick. I'm serious. I just had to pop a couple Tylenol after typing their names. Things have gotten so bad that I keep Student Health on speed dial every Sunday during football season. I'm pretty sure by the end of this column I'll have the mumps.

You see, whenever I feel successful, this little voice in my head tells me what a worthless piece of crap I am compared to those Barbers. "You might think you're doing well," it whispers, "but compared to those twins, you look like Saddam Hussein with a shoplifting problem."

Let's start with the obvious: Tiki and Ronde are athletic gods. At Cave Spring High School in Roanoke, Ronde lettered three times in football and track

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