For any lucky viewers who saw Friday the 13th's paper, I got what many columnists actually brag about ... that's right, a letter to the editor. I would like to thank Mr. Books, because although we have differing views (whatever you may think, shoving a girl's head during fellatio is a violent act), he has confirmed that people really do read my column and for that, I say thank you. I would also like to add that one of my classmates suggested bringing porn on the class trip so I may continue my education. So on with my last column!
I would have to say that writing a sex column has provided me with some very strange moments. Like the time I told my market research class I had participated in a focus group for Trojan condoms or the time my mom printed copies of my column to show my grandparents. I think the most consistently entertaining moments have come from simply talking to guys. When you write a sex column, it's very common for conversation to turn towards sex, but Thursday and Friday nights it seems that any person participating in such a conversation has to either open or close with "Are you going to write about this?" to which I've consistently replied, "No, you're probably not that interesting." This isn't necessarily a slam -- just the truth. For the most part, I don't even write about myself. A few of my better stories may have made it in but good luck guessing which ones.
So considering this is my last column (possibly ever), I've decided to stop telling everyone else's stories and give a rundown on a few things I've learned at U.Va.
1. Some things sound fun but they're just sticky.
2. It's easy to get on the roof of Wilson.
3. No matter what your orientation, testicles are gross.
4. Fooling around in your living room/kitchen while your roommates are out of town is fine. Just be sure you give them enough time to really get out of town.
5. There are three barriers in a relationship and they can come in any order: the naked barrier, the fart/burp barrier and the love barrier. You pretty much can't get to the third one if you're hung up on the first two.
6. Whatever you may think, the majority of students aren't out hooking up.
7. Consider any argument where you use the word "technically" as a forfeit. Technically is one of the most dangerous words in the English language.
8. If your only justification for doing something is curiosity, you should probably rethink whatever you're doing.
9. Constantly dressing up for sex is impractical and gets old fast.
10. Sometimes the guy/girl code is worth breaking. Date whom you want, but be prepared to pay the price.
11. This was given to me by a classmate and I think it's worthy of inclusion: If you cheat on someone don't tell them. You may think it's the right thing to do, but you'll only ease your mind at their expense. I should also add -- don't cheat.
12. Sex is kind of like Facebook; it can be a fun way to pass time but it's also a way to find out about people (sometimes more than you wanted to know) and it can complicate relationships.
13. Beds are always softer in someone else's room.
14. Chances are when you get into a relationship, you'll have the sexual history conversation, and to be honest, it helps having fewer numbers to account for.
15. Porn has about as much to do with reality as "Lord of the Rings," but if you're in the right mood, both can be entertaining.
16. If you're in a new relationship and doing it like rabbits, don't brag about how many times you do it in a day. It drives your friends crazy and further emphasizes how new it is to you.
17. Cuddling is not practical for sleep. I'm with Ross on this one: Hug and roll!
18. Laughing during sex isn't the worst thing in the world. Sometimes funny things happen, and its almost better knowing you can be comfortable with the person you're seeing. That having been said, it's probably best not to make a habit of laughing.
19. Its fine having background noise, but the wrong music or show can ruin the mood. It also might be a good idea to vary background noises as using the same music or show may become a cue that you're having sex. If you say, "Want to watch 'Arrested Development?'" and everyone laughs, it's probably time to change it up.
20. Always knock before entering your roommate's bedroom. You never know if you're going to walk in on someone's pale white rear-end thrusting ...
21. If you make out with someone, he or she might surprise you and call you back, so choose wisely.
22. People make funny faces in the moment ... That's not advice, just an observation.
23. Trust your instincts. If someone is giving off unwanted "I want to get in your pants" vibes, he or she probably wants to get in your pants, and it's best to make it clear you're not interested before it ever becomes an issue.
24. You friends may have girlfriends or boyfriends who suck at life, but if they're having sex, you have to accept the relationship because chances are you can't offer them a comparable alternative.
25. Make your own decisions. Advice is great but even trusted sources can give lousy advice.
Well, that's it from me. It's been fun. But before I end ... to B-dubs, Poobags and Slim -- thanks ... and I would like to close with my favorite class toast, to honor -- getting honor, staying honor and if you can't come in her ... come on her. VAdvertising Rocks! Meg out.
Megan Hein is a Cavalier Daily Health & Sexuality columnist. She can be reached at hein@cavalierdaily.com.
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