Do frat guys have any reason to live besides trying to sleep with first-years? Most people would tell you they don't, that the one reason they get up in the morning and what compels them to pop their collars and wear Rainbow sandals in 30-degree weather is the chance to have anonymous sex. Unfortunately for critics of the Greek system, though, the idea that anyone is so narrow-minded is insane. It might hurt a little to consider this, but to all of my first-year readers, not all frat guys are just trying to get into your pants for a one-night stand. Even when such random encounters do happen, it doesn't necessarily make one person the bad guy and it doesn't have to be a negative situation as long as both people understand each other's intentions.
The biggest problem most have with the fraternity system is with parties. I think it's a pretty well-known fact that throwing parties is pretty sketchy in nature; most frats have mandatory risk management training for a reason. Getting a bunch of random people together and giving them booze, then playing loud music that encourages grinding is pretty conducive to random people hooking up. Does that mean parties should be eliminated? Of course not. There are plenty of people who go out, dance around and go home. Even frat guys occasionally like to just hang out with their friends and listen to Ying Yang Twins over and over. Going to parties obviously isn't the factor explaining why sometimes guys won't call girls, so what is?
Men aren't solely responsible for the fact that they sleep with women and then don't call them. Of course it's rude and inconsiderate to do this, especially if you immediately laugh about it with your friends (even if it is hilarious ... and it usually is). But if there is no real connection, this is inevitable. Admittedly, sometimes alcohol helps grease the wheels of attraction, but it is never entirely to blame. If someone goes out with the intention of meeting and sleeping with someone, he or she probably will. That's just how the odds work; in a bar, there's probably someone who will find you attractive enough to tolerate for a night. Although this is generally true, it's also much easier for women to make this happen, because society constantly tells us that men should always want sex and that if a woman expresses interest, she should be taken up on her offer as soon as possible.
This isn't to say the girls doing Walks of Shame went out with the intention to find a guy, any guy, but as we were all taught: It takes two people to have sex. Short of using illegal tactics, it's literally impossible to trick someone into having sex with you. I have literally heard a girl say, "I shouldn't have slept with him, but he tricked me!" As much as this might make you laugh, it's also a very saddening avoidance of responsibility. Frat guys, or guys in general, aren't somehow whispering a secret word that girls have implanted deep in their minds to get their panties off. As wonderful as that would be, the simple truth is that both people decided to do something, and it happened.
So why did it go bad in the morning? Besides the possibility of beer goggles, random sex when you just met someone isn't the best thing to kick off a relationship. As I said before, alcohol doesn't affect people's opinions -- if they wanted a relationship when they were drunk they'll still want one sober. It sucks to hope that someone will want to be with you if you hook up with them, but the long and short of it is if you really want to be with someone seriously, don't randomly hook up with them at a party. If you're just looking for some fun, that's cool, but don't think that casual sex will lead to a serious romance.
People have been telling other people not to put out on the first date for years. And true, horny guys (or girls) might push the issue, but there is no maliciousness involved. And this doesn't just happen to girls. An anonymous frat guy said of his sex life, "I did one-night stands, but I honestly wanted more from those nights." Sometimes girls might just want a little fun, but the problem in his situation -- as with most of this nature -- is unrealistic expectations.
As much as I've complained about people randomly hooking up, there's really nothing wrong with it if it's approached in a mature way. If you want to go out and meet a random person and hook up with them, more power to you. If that person is me, that's even better. But you have to realize what it is. You can't assume that because you're being intimate with someone physically, they're going to then transfer this into an emotional place. In our society, sex is sex. If you're having sex with someone, it's not going to make them like you or make you like them.
Long story short, if you meet someone at a bar and enjoy talking to them, don't go home and tear his or her clothes off. If a frat guy is hitting on you and you think you might want to hook up with him, go ahead and do it, but don't think he's going to give you his pin the next day and take you to Formal. It might happen, but not because you put out.
Beau Griffith is a Health & Sexuality columnist. She can be reached at griffith@cavalierdaily.com
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