Upon arriving at the University this past fall, fresh faces and seasoned scholars alike carried high hopes for what the year might bring. For some, it was something to be passionate about; for others, it was a mentally stable roommate, or at least one who didn’t sleep naked. Still others among us hoped Al Groh would find a way, while many were pleasantly surprised when their dream of a Singletary resurrection was granted (bless you, Sylven Landesberg). Some of us would rejoice in the promise of democratically elected change for tomorrow. No matter the importance or reach of these dreams, the inescapable side effect is a condition known as expectation.
When we were young, our motto was to never let anyone stop us from achieving our dreams. Reach for the highest star, believe that it can happen. As we grow older, however, it seems the trend of society is to steadily instill in us that whatever our expectations may be, we will one day be let down. We will find ourselves in a moment where we finally fall and lose our innocence. And afterward, we will become a part of the cycle in which the world drains the dreams, or naivete, out of everyone.
Many of us are old enough to have been already beaten down by just such a cycle and have the emotional scars to prove it. One of the strongest allies of this destruction, however, is the misconception that we are alone in our struggles. We meet and laugh and joke with others and believe ourselves to be the only ones in the room who feel like they are fighting demons even in the midst of joyous encounters, and we imprison ourselves by turning our disappointments inward.
In dating, this leads to a sense of melancholy in which love doesn’t seem earned or reasonable. People see themselves as failures at whatever it is they’re supposed to be succeeding at — if you guys know what it is, hit me up via e-mail, because I’ve got no idea — and assume others can see only their greatest faults.
What I have to say on the matter can be summed up by Thoreau: “What is needed for happiness... [is] the possibility of being useful to people to whom it is easy to do good, and who are not accustomed to have it done to them.” In the world of dating, we expect to have to censor ourselves, show others only what it is that they will find attractive and hide everything else. In doing so, however, we miss the point of love entirely. Instead of expecting others to want us because we have covered up the dark areas, we should expect others to want us because of exactly who we are and exactly what we have gone through. Our failures have made us capable of being loved. After all, who wants to be with someone who is perfect? Well, I guess I couldn’t possibly turn down Regina Spektor, but that’s an exception.
Though the New Year has already come and gone, I’m a firm believer in the fact that real resolutions don’t need a specific time and place. Mine: expect to be loved, to be cared for, to be wanted and to stay naïve forever. Here’s to a great new year of love.
Andy’s column runs biweekly Mondays. He can be reached at a.taylor@cavalierdaily.com.
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