As a highly dedicated and studious economics major at the University, I can tell you firsthand that times are getting tough. Pennies have been pinched, wallets have been stretched thin and dollars have been exhausted. At the end of the day, I think plenty of guys are wondering how they can afford to court a hot babe when they have already had to cut into their grocery money to pay for beer and other necessities.
It's times like these when every young man has to dig down deep and really analyze how to get by without spending any money on girls.
To make this brainstorming easier, I have comprised a few strategies to spend quality time with the new Mrs. Biggest Stud on Campus, free of cost.
When I'm short on cash but rich with desire, I like to invite girls to go running or go to the gym. This accomplishes a few things. First, it shows that I am either already in shape or have the desire to become so. Girls like guys who are motivated, and what better end goal than to look good? Second, it provides a fun environment in which you can get to know each other through conversation, instead of sitting quietly next to each other in a movie theater. Finally, if you play it right, you can make this date last so long that she is too exhausted to want to do anything else that day. This is vital, as you don't want any post-workout invites to grab a milkshake or catch a movie. We can't afford that right now so don't go messing things up.
There are, however, two dangers in this scheme. One, the increased conversation only helps if you have a good personality. Two, be careful about how you propose this idea to your date. You don't want her thinking that you think she's fat.
Another good option is to try easy-to-play games, such as tossing a Frisbee or playing four square. In the case you have neither a disc nor a ball to play with, just start tossing a rock back and forth. If she starts to complain about boredom or says that she's never really enjoyed playing rock toss, just tell her all about how it makes you kind of nostalgic for your impoverished childhood. Tell her about how you lived somewhere without rocks and had to play with far worse toys until one Christmas your parents surprised you with your first stone and that you don't think you've ever been as happy as you were that day - except when you hang out with her. This is what we in the dating world call bulls***. It's a risky play, but then again so is trying to date someone without a penny to your name. Bold and aggressive will win the day.
Finally, with the holidays just around the corner, now is the perfect time to start asking your relatives for gifts you can use in your dating life. Board games, movies, sleeping pills - all great gifts that will help you step your game up to that next level, just above rock toss. They are also all better than another pullover sweater with a University insignia on it. Papa needs a new set of Uno cards.
These are just a few of the free dating strategies I've developed when I'm short on cash. To really take it to the next level, though, you're going to have to go the extra mile and think about how far you can push this thing. Can you go a week without spending any money? Two weeks? A month? The longer you can get by without dropping those precious dimes the more you'll have to spend on kazoos and other fun stuff. And so I bid you adieu, and wish you all the best in your efforts to stay afloat during this recession. Lord knows we all need a little help.
Andy's column runs biweekly Mondays. He can be reached at a.taylor@cavalierdaily.com.
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