OK, Don Juan. So you've just finished up a marathon of bringing the fire and showing your lady that she's the flyest bird in the air on one of the most important and tell-tale holidays of the year. Let's face it: If you mess up Valentine's Day, you've just messed up a lot more days while you try to make up for it. That's why you went out of your way to shower her with sugar and spice and everything nice.
But the fight, gentlemen, lay not behind but before us. We are now currently 364 days away from V-Day 2k11, and if you're not worried by now, you may have already missed the boat.
The real warriors of our day are already out there on the front line, scouring CVS and Walgreens stores everywhere for that 50 percent off sale on the greeting card and teddy bear selection, not to mention the up to 75 percent off piles of chocolate that will satisfy any girl's sweet tooth. The Kroger aisle has already been pillaged beyond repair, and the stock boys are left to pull the mangled bodies of those trampled out of the rubble.
The men staking their claim are at the top of the game, stockpiling mounds of gifts for cheap that, if they play their cards right, will lock down not only future romantic success, but also a financial windfall.
Hulking V-Day gifts bought on discount to dorks who have no foresight has quickly become one of the most profitable enterprises in the black market, right behind prescription drugs and elephant tusks. With today's economic climate, the only survivors are the hustlers, and I can tell you right now that I'm a hustler.
Sure, I sip coffee five days a week to Charlottesville's hip and indie at the Downtown Mudhouse, and maybe I kick it at the Castle ringing first-year students up for Cyclops burgers and B&J's ice cream Sunday afternoons. These are just covers for the hustlin'. Stuffed frog prince holding a pillow with the words, "I Love You," written in cursive, anybody?
One of the great strengths of Valentine's Day, in my book, is that the same gifts can be used repeatedly. Cupid figurines and chocolate roses are always the way to a girl's heart, even if that same heart has been given that same figurine and chocolate rose two years straight. You can try for three if you want, but there's some pretty convincing evidence you're going to wish you hadn't.
Even if you do somehow manage to actually buy too much V-Day merch to sell and/or use next year, switching product packaging can really go a long way toward making her think you spontaneously like to buy her candy every other week. Though I advocate heavily for the hustlin', brownie points are priceless.
Some guys stray away from this strategy because they don't really believe they'll have a girl to give Valentine's Day stuff to next year. Most of these young men had no date this year and don't see the tides changing anytime soon.
Way to go, weak sauce. How do you expect to trick some beautiful lady into thinking you're cool, going on a date with you, loving you or marrying you? It's that defeatist attitude that's keeping you from attaining your goals, and the only way up is through some really cutting edge economically proven theories on what day after sales can do for your love life
In the world of dating, there is no practice. You only get one chance to start the game - that's it. Those of you who are scoffing at the idea of not taking today off in celebration of your pretty run-of-the-mill Valentine's Day accomplishments yesterday are going to wish you didn't have to play catch up with all the other fools who let pride get in the way of progress.
Every generation has its opportunity to really pull out all the stops and strive for the healthiest, happiest relationships it can achieve. Maybe buying Valentine's themed gifts in bulk and giving them all throughout the year is a way of saying, "I like where this is going and want you to be here another year." Or maybe that's what we say when we open doors for her or grab her hand on the walk to class. Maybe ours will be the generation that makes the most out of every opportunity to make each other feel loved. We cannot know how our journey will end, but we make the rules on how it begins.
Andy's column runs biweekly Mondays. He can be reached at a.taylor@cavalierdaily.com.
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