As I walk across Grounds on these wonderfully warm recent afternoons, I can't help but ... yawn. Here's a guy telling jokes to a girl sitting next to him in Economy of China. There's a frat star shining his Croakies and inviting a girl to his party. Boring.
After the cold of the past winter months - back when a girl was wooed by warmth and the assurance that the snow would stop - guys should be brimming with creativity and energy to win girls over. But all I see are the same old antics. I think this spring, the ladies of U.Va. deserve a better kind of courting, and so without further ado, I'd like to introduce you all to the new "IT" ways of finding a date.
1. Do you know how long it's been since I've seen a good minstrel serenading a girl on the steps of the Rotunda? When was the last time you Lady and the Tramped that spaghetti by tying all the noodles together? We who journey now must learn from those who have gone before. Listen to the wind. Vintage is in, and it is sweeping the nation.
2. Mime it up. By now I think we've all come to understand the importance of communication in a healthy relationship. What's sexier than a man who tries to express himself without words? 2008 was the year of the Transformer. 2009 brought prominence to children born old who get younger through time. 2010 is going to be all about the mime.
3. Spicy everything. From the food you eat to the clothes you wear, let every aspect of your life make those around you sweat. What do I mean here? Power suit! Preferably Italian made.
4. Why do we keep our dancing to weekend nights out? Girls love guys with dance moves, especially if they can move like Chris Brown. Don't miss a chance to show her that you can indeed run it run it. Slipping past a girl on the way to your seat? Better lean wit it, rock wit it. Waiting in line at the dining hall? A two STEEE-eeeep, a two STEEE-eeeep.
5. Girls like a warrior, and what says warrior better than war paint? You could go for standard issue black lines under the eyes, or give a shout out to Scotland with the William Wallace blue and white. No get-up is too bold, though there are some face painting patterns that she might find a bit creepy. Most of these can be avoided by defining clowns as non-warrior entertainers.
6. Show her she has nothing to fear with a man like you around carrying all that dough. Don't tell her you're having trouble finding a job. Tell her you're waiting for the one with the biggest salary offer so you can buy her lots of stuff.
Whether it's throwback mackdom or an imaginary tug-of-war that you use to seduce that babe you've been trying to holler at, make sure to change it up this spring. Half the fun of college dating is bringing your own style to the game. As a great man once told me in a line to buy coffee, "You can't always come at it from the same direction. Sometimes you gotta put a little cinnamon in it." Truer words were never spoken, and I think we can all raise our glasses to the promise of another great season of spring love. May it be better than the last.
Andy's column runs biweekly Mondays. He can be reached at a.taylor@cavalierdaily.
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