Walking behind two girls last week, I overheard the following conversation:\n"That is a great jacket! Where did you get it?"
"Thanks! I love your shoes. Someone really cool must have picked them out."
Laced with sarcasm, it was clear from their tones that they had borrowed these articles of clothing from each other.
This conversation is one that I have participated in countless times while living with the same core group of girls for the past two-and-a-half years. Our apartment has an open door policy. When one of us needs something - a cocktail dress, an extra scarf or the odd article of 1980s clothing - it's pretty much a safe bet that at least one person in our apartment has it, and you are welcome to go closet raiding for it.
We do this so much, in fact, that I often joke that my wardrobe will be cut in half when I graduate because I never buy any new articles of clothing that resemble something I know one of my roommates already has. There's just no point.
This "what's mine is yours" policy extends to many other things in our apartment, as well. Out of cereal? No big deal - you can have some of mine until you make it to the grocery store. Low on ink? Just use my printer.
Sharing like this is a form of trust. When we lend each other clothes, we trust that our roommates are going to take good care of them. And when we let them use our food or electronics it is because we trust that they would do the same for us.
The willingness to share material items is a marker of the basic trust that is necessary for any regular friendship. It's the essential give-and-take type of trust.
This is where we started when we first shared a dormitory two years ago. Since then, though, I've watched our trust evolve. True, we still raid each other's closets on a regular basis, but now we share more than that. We share our lives and experiences, and through that we share not just the trust of friendship, but the trust of family. We've been through a lot together - new experiences, crises, triumphs and failures, always expanding the definition of "what's mine is yours."
I've been lucky to have this kind of experience, but from what I've learned from other students, I'm glad to know that this is not unusual across the board.
For most students, college means leaving behind families and setting up camp in new places. Then, in the flurry and culture shock of settling in, we dash to make friends. Those friends come and go in time. Some remain the type that you only share clothes with, but others are in it for the long haul.
The long-haul friends are the ones who you share everything with, not just clothes or toothpaste. When you've been through that much together, that open door policy evolves until there are no holds barred and you aren't just friends - you're family. And fortunately, unlike our collective wardrobe, this is not something that can't be separated and changed after school.
Katie's column runs weekly Tuesdays. She can be reached at k.mcnally@cavalierdaily.com.
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