What are the time-honored staples of the “make-out movie” genre? A quick Google search will give you a comprehensive list of films, including “Sleepless in Seattle,” “The Notebook” and “Casablanca.”
Ugh, “Sleepless in Seattle”? More like “Sleeping During this Movie,” am I right? I like Tom Hanks as much as the next girl (if the next girl only likes Tom Hanks a little bit) but why settle for the old, cliché-ridden standards? Wouldn’t it be fun to make out with “Shrek” playing in the background? Imagine listening to Smash Mouth as you smash mouths. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: the Shrek soundtrack is a powerful aphrodisiac.
Anyway, this is my point: any movie can be a make-out movie. You’re just going to talk for 15 minutes and then barely watch it anyway — why not put on something a little more memorable? Then again, I don’t really care what you do. You could make out while watching Meet the Press and it would have no effect on my life.
However, if you do want to try some more unconventional make-out movies, you can browse the following list for ideas. Bear in mind I am neither a film expert nor a making-out expert. In fact, in the first draft of this article I put the word “film” in quotation marks, as if it was an obscure art form I would have to explain later.
1) Cast Away (2000)
Sure, Tom Hanks has starred in three romantic comedies with Meg Ryan. But you know what’s better than Tom Hanks falling in love? Tom Hanks stranded on a desert island after almost dying in a plane crash.
Will it be uncomfortable to make out while Tom Hanks quietly plans his suicide? Yes. Will your date be emotionally preoccupied by him losing the love of his life? Absolutely. But you will walk away with a greater respect for Tom Hanks as an actor and you might appreciate your family more.
2) Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971)
What is sexier than a man who creates a series of moral tests for children with glaring flaws? Nothing. That’s one of the many reasons why this musical classic is the perfect setting for smooching. Most of the other reasons are related to candy.
Additionally, the structure of the film lends itself to this sort of event. Try to wait until Charlie actually gets the golden ticket before you make your move. I know Charlie is a major bummer in the exposition because he’s poor and sad, but you have to watch it.
3) 12 Angry Men (1957)
They’re men, they’re angry and they’re not leaving the courthouse until the jury is unanimous. This is a good make-out movie because you can jump in whenever you want. It’s pretty easy to follow. Don’t feel bad if you can’t tell the men in the movie apart. They’re all white, old and, once again, angry — it’s easy to get confused. All you need to know is that the American justice system is freaking nuts.
4) Antz (1998)
Woody Allen plays a freethinking, neurotic ant that doesn’t want to do ant things. I think it has something to do with capitalism? I’ll be honest, it’s not a great movie. It’s the cynical, misguided brother to “A Bug’s Life” who says all holidays are “invented by greeting card companies.” But believe me, you will bond with your date over how much you hate Woody Allen’s voice.
5) Gone with the Wind (1939)
This is a challenge of stamina more than anything else. At just under four hours, this historical drama is not for the faint of heart. But don’t worry about things getting tiresome! You’re date has to be more interested in you than 221 minutes of rich southerners complaining about the Civil War. Is that an accurate summary? I’ve seen this movie at least three times and I still couldn’t tell you what happens. I’m pretty sure somebody falls off a horse.
Nancy-Wren Bradshaw is a Humor writer.
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