1. The one-minute wonder
This person is great — funny, charismatic, adorable — the whole package when it comes to people you want to hang out with. Which is why they’ve already been invited to three other Friendsgivings on the same day as yours. They can’t simply choose one party to go to, and will spend the day bouncing between them all. This person will stop by for about 30 minutes, dazzle everyone with their awesomeness and then leave behind a bunch of guests wondering where the heck Priya — I mean “this person”— went.
2. The rando
Everyone has had a rando crash an event. It’s worse on Friendsgiving. Not only will you have to remember their awkward presence the next day — as opposed to when pregames are crashed — but they’re the invited rando. Someone always thinks it’s okay to invite a new person to an intimate group event, but on some occasions it’s just not. The rando is just as much a victim as the rest of us. He will have to stick to the fringes of the gathering, hunting for a conversation they can actually participate in. Accidentally laugh at an inside joke and it’s all over.
3. The “no food, no problem”
You hear a knock on the door. You open the door. Yay! What a wonderful and totally expected thing to happen! Your good friend BlahBlah — whom you invited — has arrived. You’re so happy to see her. The party can now sta — WAIT. Did she not bring food? Did BlahBlah have the sheer audacity to go to a Friendsgiving and contribute nothing? Apparently yes. And what’s worse is that she doesn’t even seem to understand that she’s done something wrong. You can passive-aggressively say, “Oh, BlahBlah, did you want me to make room on the counter for your food?” as many times as you want and this friend will not pick up on it.
4. The “no food, won’t-stop-apologizing”
Like the “no Food, no problem,” this person failed to contribute to the feast. However, they have not only realized their faux pas, but also won’t shut up about it. You can’t ask them to pass the mashed potatoes without a heartfelt apology and a pathetic excuse usually saved for late homework. Like professors, the host doesn’t really want to hear it. It was nice of them to apologize, but just take the hit to your reputation as a good guest and move on.
5. The won’t-stop-pushing-their-food
This person doesn’t usually cook. When they do, it’s the greatest miracle of food to have ever graced your plate. “You must try my green beans. Now compliment them. Aren’t they amazing? Do you want more? Why don’t you have more? Do you want a detailed description of how I made them? I don’t know what Thanksgiving is actually about, but we really need to give thanks for these freaking amazing green beans!”
6. The resentful calculator
Before the party even began, she had mentally figured out how much each guest spent on food. She will not stand for it if they spent more than anyone else. It’s supposed to be equal, darnit. The resentful calculator will never forget this and will make sure to spend less money at the next gathering — all the while letting everybody know exactly just how much money they spent on the Friendsgiving three months ago and just how taken-advantage of they felt. This is opposed to the angry calculator, who will stop Friendsgiving right then and there to demand the costs be added up and split equally. Your choice on whether or not this is justified.
7.The pre-gamed the meal
Perhaps they’ve never been to a Thanksgiving before and thought it was a party-party. Perhaps you need to hide the wine and start planning an intervention. Either way, you’re not quite sure if a full-stomach is what they need right now. Eating after-the-fact is usually detrimental and they passed “happily-buzzed” a while ago. Sending them home is wrong, right? The other guests would say you’re a bad friend, right?
8. The busy bee
I can guarantee that this person is all of us. It’s the person who is at a Friendsgiving when they really should be working on that test/paper/whatever. However, unlike most of us losers, they brought their homework to the dinner and actually started doing it. Part of you might resent this person for not participating in the dinner you worked so hard on — give this person a break. You’ll be one of the few that do and they will be grateful for that.
9. The worried hostess
Odds are the hostess needs a break too. However, she can be super annoying so it’s hard to have any sympathy. Yes, they hosted the event. Great. Amazing! But they then proceeded to nag everyone about their level of cleanliness — a.k.a. they better clean their plate or the fires of hell will rain down upon them. The hostess should just politely let everyone know they need to be involved in cleaning up and let the evening progress. No one has fun if her eye twitches every time someone forgets to use a coaster.
10. The one with the loud family
This guest is not quite used to the idea of a Friendsgiving. They are, however, used to years of loud family gatherings full of judgment and anxiety. Every time someone asks this person to pass a plate of food, they neurotically spasm and start yelling out their five-year plan. If someone bumps into them, they nervously start making up an amazing significant other that would please any nosy family member. This poor soul has yet to realize that Friendsgiving is the fun, relaxed precursor to the real Thanksgiving.
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