Growing up in my hometown of Pittsburgh, Pa., I was blessed with an amazing group of girlfriends who supported me through all the good and bad. Before coming to college, I truly could not imagine going through any phase of my life without them. Much to my 17-year-old self’s surprise, however, I’ve since learned that I actually can go through new experiences on my own. While it was tough to accept, I now realize that it is impossible to hold on to every old friend whilst moving into new, separate chapters of my life. And guess what? That is perfectly okay.
My hometown friends and I were inseparable in high school. Our daily lunches, weekly night drives and very regular sleepovers were non-negotiable activities, but as senior year crept nearer, we knew that differing college goals would soon scatter us in completely different corners of the country. While one friend had hopes to bask in the Florida sunshine and another was pulled to live out her Ivy League dreams in New Hampshire, I, of course, ended up choosing the University as my home for the next four years.
Despite our new geographical distance, I was still confident that we could stay close. And in many ways, we did exactly that throughout our first year of college. The hometown group chat was always buzzing with activity, and we used FaceTime to debrief almost every night out. Of course, we reunited over winter break like no time had passed and relished reminiscing about old memories from high school.
The summer break that followed my first year, however, things changed ever so slightly. My friends and I all had more time-consuming jobs compared to previous summers, many which were located outside of Pittsburgh. While we were still bonded together by our old memories, those were becoming more distant and less relevant to our current lives as time went on. I realized that, as my new life revolved around places that my hometown friends had never been to and people that they had never met, we could no longer relate to each other on the day-to-day.
I found it hard to bridge the gap between my college and hometown worlds. Unlike some of my in-state peers, my new college friends had zero mutual connections with my hometown friends, and they didn’t share many experiences or common ground. For instance, while I would try to explain the concept of “No.Va.” to my Pittsburgh friends, they had no idea what I was talking about and couldn’t understand how that term would ever become relevant.
Going into second year, our hometown group chats buzzed a lot less, and I found myself craving less advice from my hometown friends, choosing instead to talk with those who were actively in my life on a daily basis. When I was going through my first college friend drama, I tried confiding in my hometown friends. But, since they weren’t wholly familiar with the person like my college friends were, they couldn’t fully grasp the situation. Ultimately, I realized it wasn’t effective to keep updating them.
Naturally, we grew even more distant over our second year in college. As I’ve recently approached the summer after second year, I’ve had to come to terms with the fact I have significantly fewer hometown friends that I feel close with. To make this even clearer, while I was preparing to start my summer job in Pittsburgh, my already-dwindling circle of hometown friends — mainly my best friend Aashna — had taken summer jobs in other cities. It hit me that the nearly 24/7 social stimulation I got during the school year was going to be taking a drastic hiatus.
At first, I was saddened to come back home to a truly dying hometown group chat and fewer social plans than I had ever been used to, and I felt as if I had failed to maintain that aspect of my life.
Fortunately though, I’ve since been able to understand how normal this experience is, specifically through opening up to other people in my life in similar situations, and even listening to stories people share on social media. Of course, as a result of choosing a school far from home, I have now drifted apart from and remain less connected to those from home. And predictably, I’ve made new friends that wound up replacing some of the roles my hometown friends had previously filled. So, yes, going away has inevitably led to growing apart in many aspects.
Still, while I acknowledge that my newer circle is better-equipped to support me in my current chapter, I will always value the hometown friendships I have kept close. Having people in my life that have watched me go from a kid with braces to the woman I am now is such a special gift that I do not take for granted. I will always treasure those relationships and work hard to maintain them, but I also realize the importance of allowing myself the grace needed to let go when needed, and to accept that it is natural for some friendships to drift apart.
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