“So tell me about yourself. What have you done at the University?”
This was the first question I faced at a meeting with an advisor to prepare for post-grad job applications a few months ago. After four years of a busy schedule that had me leaving my house before my roommates woke up and returning after they had gone to sleep, I drew a blank. What have I really done at U.Va.?
Even though I originally drew a blank, I know the answer is undoubtedly that I was on staff at The Cavalier Daily. My long days of meetings, long nights of editing and even longer nights of putting together print editions mean that I have easily spent more of my time at the University on The Cavalier Daily than anything else. So, why was I hesitant to claim the work I had poured so much of myself into?
Looking back, I think my hesitation traces back to how I got my start on the paper. In the fall of my second year, wanting to feel more connected to a club on Grounds, a good friend of mine recommended that I apply to write for The Cavalier Daily. That friend also happened to be the editor-in-chief of the paper at the time.
After being accepted to the news desk, I felt completely out of my league during staff training. What is a lede — and why is it spelled that way — and how does Notion work and why am I being yelled at for using an Oxford comma and why does everyone else already know the answers to all of these questions?
Still reeling from the stresses of my first few weeks on staff, I sat in my friend-slash-editor-in-chief’s Lawn room for Friday morning Bodo’s as people filtered through, talking with her about issues and events at the University of which I was completely unaware. Smiling and nodding along with their conversations, I felt like the little kid crashing her older sister’s slumber party — desperate to fit in but painfully unaware that I didn’t belong. A wave of self-consciousness hit me. I wasn’t here because I was talented or capable — I was a nepo baby. If I had only got here by accident, why should anyone care about what I write?
Beyond this lack of confidence, I was also hyper aware of the fact that The Cavalier Daily engaged personally with people and stories in the community, which often came with criticism from those who disagreed with its coverage. I often felt like people’s frustrations with the paper affected how they viewed me as a person, as if I embodied every expository news article or controversial editorial.
Consequently, I occupied a weird in-between space where I spent most of my time working on the paper and almost all of the time when I wasn’t working on the paper trying not to draw attention to the fact that I worked on the paper.
I disappeared regularly on Tuesday nights to cover the Student Council General Body meeting, locking myself in the library afterwards to get an article to my editors the same night. When asked why I couldn’t attend dinner or watch a movie with my friends, I kept it vague — “Oh, I just have a meeting.” Even when my close friends introduced me to others with, “Grace is really high up in Cav Daily,” I deflected, rolling my eyes or saying that the job was my biggest headache.
And while in many ways the job was my biggest headache, I also loved it. I loved learning about developments at the University and racing to share that information with the community. I loved putting together articles like a puzzle, figuring out the best order in which to present information. I loved holding information sessions for prospective staffers where we got to share the paper’s accomplishments. I loved seeing a finalized cover of the print edition on a Mac in the office at 2 a.m. on a Wednesday night.
I think most of all, though, I loved the people.
To the objective literary editors, thank you for encouraging me not to take myself too seriously. To Naima, your intelligence and compassion are a constant reminder to me of how to be a great leader and person. To Charlie, thank you for always having everything together when I very much did not. To Honor, thank you for keeping me sane and constantly entertained with your stories. To Nate, thank you for being an amazing mentor and an even better friend.
There’s about a hundred other people I could thank — Eva, for introducing me to this amazing community and encouraging me to keep with it, Lexi, for pushing me out of my comfort zone, my friends for being patient with me when I needed a few extra minutes (or hours) to edit and Emma for letting me take mid-day naps in her room during print weeks.
While I can’t point to one specific “aha” moment where I finally started to dispel my self-consciousness and claim my pride for the paper, I got there gradually over the course of my term as managing editor. Even the little things — like telling people outright that I’m involved in The Cavalier Daily or reposting articles on my Instagram story — felt like monumental ways in which I was showing confidence in myself.
While I can certainly admit I made several mistakes in my time at The Cavalier Daily and throughout college more generally, my biggest regret over the past four years was not owning my involvement as much as I should have. I realize I don’t care how I got my start on the paper or what other people thought about me for it — I can still be good at what I do and proud of it.
So, as I sit writing this today — nepo baby or not — I am a proud CD alum.
Grace Thrush was the Managing Editor for the 135th term, a senior news writer for the 134th term and a news staffer for the 133rd term.
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