Editor’s note: This article is a humor column.
With the fall 2025 semester here, it is time for every first-year to face their inevitable rites of passage. From recovering from Block Party with their new move-in day best friends to dazedly wandering through three separate locations for one fall activities fair, they’ll somehow end up on the email list for 17 clubs they'll never show up for.
No amount of Wahoo Welcome events, however, can prepare a first-year for what lies beyond — actually taking classes. Ask any orientation leader or resident advisor and they’ll say only “Office hours…. you HAVE to go.” and leave it at that.
But what really is the mysterious prospect of office hours? Is it tutoring, group therapy or a strategic move to make the professor remember your name before you ask them for a recommendation? Consider this your guide to navigating the academic fever dream that is office hours.
1. Learn what they actually are
Contrary to the bureaucratic-sounding name, office hours are not some corporate ritual where your professor goes to their office to grade with red pens or stare contemplatively out the window. They are instead scheduled blocks of time where professors and TAs are contractually obligated to let you spiral about your choice of major. These encounters can take place in locations ranging from Kerchof Hall’s broom-closet offices to overcrowded TA rooms where whiteboards outnumber chairs. Some even occur on Zoom where everyone forgets to mute and the professor’s cat makes an appearance.
Early on, your mission might be to decode two out of fifty homework problems or make a few new study buddies who will ghost you after the semester ends. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll be able to upgrade your email opening to your professor from “Sorry to bother you, my name is….” to “Following up on our last chat…”
2. Prepare for battle
Of course, the only time slot for your Calculus I office hours will be during your evening discussion and SpongeBob club — you obviously can’t miss either, so you must attend during the 15-minute gap between them. Make sure to mentally prepare by rehearsing phrases like, “I was just wondering if you could help me understand this small thing I totally almost get,” and also brace yourself to ask five random students if they are the TA before actually finding out who it is.
And remember, contrary to popular belief, you don’t need to be struggling in the class to attend office hours — this is also a great time to discuss how bad other students are doing in comparison to yourself or connect with your professor by learning about how they got tenure for proving that rectangles are rectangles under special conditions.
3. Wait — and wait and wait
If you’re unlucky enough to be in a class whose title involves the words “discrete” or “algorithms,” you may have to join an online queue for office hours. Make sure to wear a distinct outfit so that the TA can find you based on your description — I recommend a giant inflatable Cavman suit holding a whiteboard that says “pls explain Q4.”
As you wait, it would be helpful to trauma-bond with the students around you to build a support system. Be careful though, because 45 minutes later, you’ll finally reach the top of the line, but you’ll have forgotten your actual question. And whatever you do, don’t leave to go to the bathroom — the moment you do, it will finally be your turn, except you won’t be there and the TA will move on to your in-class eyecontactship.
3. Expect the unexpected
You might have the professor read over your paper or walk you through a concept. Or, you may start sobbing uncontrollably because the TA keeps answering your questions with questions. In these cases, nodding like you understand is always in fashion. Just nod until you begin to dissociate. Out of nowhere, you may find that understanding will dawn upon you. This is what you’re here for! Don’t forget to thank your TA or professor before leaving — they have to deal with students who email at 4 a.m., forget their own questions mid-sentence or ask to round a C+ up to an A.
Whether you want help on a homework question or a new LinkedIn connection, the first-year experience would be incomplete without visits to office hours. Or, you could forgo the opportunity to build human connection, like many of us are doing these days, and just ask your favorite AI to “explain this to me like I’m five.”
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