Editor’s note: This is a humor column.
CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. — News broke through GroupMe Monday that semi-secret drinking society Caractacus Drinks on Tuesdays — CDT — has been banned from local Corner establishment, The Virginian. Although the group has historically been large and eager to consume more alcoholic beverages than most would deem responsible, this marks the first time CDT has ever been banned from an establishment for unruly behavior.
Named after Thomas Jefferson’s most well-known horse, CDT has been a part of fourth-year culture dating back to 1837. The group challenges fourth-year students to document consuming one alcoholic beverage every Tuesday at staple Corner bars Boylan Heights, Trinity, and Coupe de Villes. A small amount of money is the only barrier to entry, which is added to a pool split after graduation for those who successfully complete the challenge.
With Boylan Heights now closed on Tuesdays and Wednesdays as it recuperates from a much-needed renovation, the group now only has Coupes and Trinity left to victimize as fourth-years cope with their ever-dwindling time as University students.
At the scene which led to the banning, eyewitnesses not affiliated with CDT reported a particularly rowdy showing at the restaurant’s Bingo Night, which occurs every Tuesday. From overwhelming the staff with requests for Irish Trash Cans with non-Sugar Free Redbull, and even hijacking the microphone from a manager calling Bingo, the scene was like nothing even experienced employees or Elite card-holders had ever seen. The Virginian has not made a public comment on the incident.
Leah Spindip, a fourth-year College student and recent recipient of Elite status at The Virginian, characterized the commotion.
“I’ve made it through countless late nights at this place — sometimes, I even thought I was going to get stuck under a booth,” Spindip said. “But when the CDTs came in and started demanding more and more alcohol, I really did. I got wedged in booth 12 next to a fork.”
Spindip noted she did not choose to participate in CDT because of her belief that going to any other bar counted as betraying The Virginian, and a crippling childhood fear of horses that CDT’s namesake is a reference to.
Virginian employee and second-year College student Zach Burger also echoed safety concerns.
“I was stuck in the aisle for 45 minutes just trying to get the last of the glassware to the bar,” Burger said. “It was like being in a mob of zombies, all yelling for Long Island Ice Tea liquor mix instead of brains. I think I blacked out until I was finally able to clock out at four in the morning.”
However, Burger clarified he was not a part of the decision to ban the group.
“Honestly, I’ve seen worse while working a noon football game.” Burger said. “I just wish they’d stop stealing our lightbulbs. Why do they always go for the lightbulbs?”
The news was delivered to the unofficial president of CDT, fourth-year Engineering student Emma Drunksalot, per a note posted on the door of The Virginian saying they would no longer serve CDTs. An alleged member of the Thursdays secret drinking society, Drunksalot expressed optimism as the group moves forward.
“More CDTs at Trin and Coupes means a higher number of students with illegal Blood Alcohol Concentrations in the same places,” Drunksalot said. “If you really think about it, those BACs will generate enough energy to rival Survivor Hour at Ellie’s Country Club — which, by the way, will NEVER be included in establishments that count for CDT.”
The exclusion of Ellie’s had initially caused controversy as many students are fans of the outdoor bar, but because the business is owned by The Virginian Restaurant Company — which owns The Virginian as well as other Charlottesville establishments — the delisting will likely remain unchanged.
Whether or not the ban will be reversed remains to be seen, with some predicting a pivot if The Virginian loses revenue, particularly from fourth-years who have an already cult-like obsession with the restaurant. However, most predict former students planning to visit during Young Alumni Reunion weekend and parents dragging their children of all ages to tour the University will keep the restaurant well above breaking even.
Spindip noted CDT will likely survive long-term, but that she is personally grateful for abstaining from the group.
"Those people will drink just about anything. But if I had my Virgatio privileges taken from me, you’d have to drag me out of that place.” Spindip said.