Editor’s note: This article is a humor column.
I think we can all agree that nobody wakes up one morning and says, “Oh boy, I am so excited to trade my labor for little to no pay in hopes for a resume boost!” But alas, here at the University, this is the reality for many students. If you’re a new intern, don’t be nervous! All you need are some dos and don’ts to go from being the naive cub to the Alpha wolf of the pack at your summer internship.
DO — Frequently compare your internship to something you saw on TV
Helping healthcare workers save lives in a clinic this summer? Make sure to talk about how your passion for the medical field came from “Grey’s Anatomy.” Hoping to fight for justice at a law firm this July? Impress your colleagues by sending Harvey Specter edits in the Teams group chat. Interning in something related to finance? Tell your boss that you find Patrick Bateman to be relatable. The technique is underrated, but referencing movies and shows is actually a highly effective tool to communicate across generations of the office and find common interests. Remember, the king may appreciate his diligent nobles, but it is the charismatic jester that is truly irreplaceable.
DON’T — Get assignments done on time
Why do people fall out of love despite there being no major conflicts? Two words — predictability and boredom. Harking back to the temporary affair of your internship, you never want to let your employers know your next move. If they said an assignment is due by Wednesday, make sure to start it on Thursday. In fact, you can even use this strategy to weaponize your incompetence and have the more punctual interns be assigned your projects in the future. After all, who gets the return offer in the end? The humble, overworked tortoise, or the cocky, quick rabbit?
DO — Use LinkedIn as a personal diary
How many times have you seen a post like, “I am thrilled to announce that I am interning at J.P. Morgan this summer?” It’s time to spice things up. The professional world lacks LinkedIn influencers, and it just may be the perfect way to communicate with your higher-ups. Why bother your boss on his lunch break to communicate a concern with a colleague, when you could just write a passive-aggressive post about it instead? A simple statement like, “I am thrilled to announce that I have had to work overtime yet again due to Timmy McGeel deciding to leave work early today!” should get the job done.
DON’T — Hold back any questions
Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it has never killed an intern! Employers love being asked questions — not just related to the relevant assignments, but also any basic information you may have missed in a skipped lecture last semester. Use your employers as an opportunity to get a little extra help over the summer to strengthen your technical foundation. If you’re helping out at a hospital for instance, make sure to ask how babies are made. Going into some kind of math related research? It could never hurt to go over your multiplication tables!
I hope this guide helped you get a better idea of how to stand out in today’s cutthroat workforce. Before you know it, all of this will become second nature. This is one small step for interns, and one giant leap for entry-level workers everywhere.
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