In my ideal world, I would be allowed to write in the obviously superior font, Courier New.
Humor Columnist Benjamin White reports on The Cavalier Daily's decision to make all sections of the paper conform to mandatory slang to make its publications more hip with the kids.
And as I cried, I thought, “What is my purpose here on this spinning sphere of ugly meatheads? And if there is one, will I ever find it?”
Humor Columnist Sydney Branham comments on the addictive nature of snow days.
Humor Columnist William Tonks describes a recent teacher strike concerning the intellect of students.
"The process of producing a student-run production is as painful as it is pleasant."
You deserve a class that won’t make you want to drop out of school.
![I would love to catch up [in office hours/literally whenever you specifically have listed you are not available].](https://snworksceo.imgix.net/cav/bcf7c74f-0cec-4b9d-984a-5a41f4906469.sized-1000x1000.jpg?w=1000&ar=4%3A3&fit=crop&crop=faces&facepad=3&auto=format)
I have attached a [writing sample/cover letter/interpretive dance video/bribe] to this email that I think will help you get to know me a little bit better.
My throat felt like I was forcing the entire tundra down it with every single gulp.
What the hell is this depressing article doing in the Humor section, which has historically been filled with rainbows and sunshine and witty pop culture references?!
Whatley Ozer and Sarah Holzgrefe present a quiz to help you decide what hat to wear to Foxfield.
Humor Columnist Jess Miller writes about the release of a new product: “Womanwich: Manwich for Her.”
WARNING: Potential spoilers ahead for Best Picture Nominees. Sort of.
Humor Columnist Emma Klein describes a White House in turmoil after Trump accidentally fires himself.
Once you churn, you never return.
A celebration of the de-stabilizing transition out of college and into early unemployment/retirement
Erin Clancy has created the perfect anti-bucket list for all your monotonous, quietly-fade-into-oblivion needs.
William Tonks explains the heartbreaking U.Va. basketball loss in the first round.
Sarah Holzgrefe details her harrowing experiences in Psych 1010.
In the words of Selena Gomez: “The heart wants what it wants.”
