The other night while playing frisbee in the dark — in retrospect, a poor idea — I had a revelation. Actually, it was more like an epiphany. The great light of wisdom hit me in the form of a frisbee to the forehead and I finally realized what had only been touched on in the peripheral of my unconsciousness: I am no longer in high school.
I mean this purely in the sense that I no longer bear the look of a high school senior — the small indicators that can identify a high schooler in and out of their natural habitat.
The first noticeable quality about a senior is the smell — the odor of desperation that accompanies the “not yet accepted into their dream school omigod” student. The second indication is the wide variety of college shirts accumulated through countless campus tours. After making their final decision, the senior will wear only one college’s shirt. Ever.
And if there are no high schoolers in the vicinity, one must simply follow eraser shavings left over from angst-ridden essays — or the trail of blood resulting from the Hunger-Games-style application process — to find one.
I am happy to report I have finally shed these shameless stereotypes and adopted a whole new set: those of the college student. College students have long held to these patterns due to necessity, laziness and, perhaps, a sense of tradition. As a strong proponent of tradition, I have unabashedly embraced each and every trait that fits into the "college student" stereotype.
In regards to diet and nutrition: ramen. If not everyday, a true college student must have ramen — or a Cup o’ Noodles substitute — at least once a week. If you do not gag at the sight of ramen by the end of your four years, then you have been annoyingly health conscious and have made the rest of us feel bad — which basically runs contrary to the community of trust. Therefore, you must eat ramen.
When it comes to laundry — don’t do it. If you can smell it, it’s fine. If they can smell it, then you wash it. Laundry must not be done until you notice the classmate sitting next to you slowly inching away with a horrified expression. You may become known as “Smelly Joe,” but we must all sacrifice for the sake of tradition.
Finally, the most important tradition I have embraced: the gym. This one must be confusing to some people, as I've noticed University students are constantly going to and from the gym. I feel it is my duty to inform you all that the gym is here solely so we can say, “I’m going to start going to the gym” and then eat a pound of raw cookie dough. I refer you to the “community of trust” argument.
I must say, as I have worked hard to embrace these traits, I've noticed many University students have been disappointing in these achievements thus far. They do not smell and are not lazy. They have rejected the ramen, laundry, gym stereotypes. I must tip my hat, for they have defied my every expectation, as University students tend to do.
As I cast aside my inner high school senior, I'm coming to realize I must forgo these preconceived notions of the college student. In doing so, I will join the strangely motivated community of the University — and hopefully find it in myself to go to the gym.
It is strange that this has all occurred to me as the result of a frisbee-forehead collision. In fact, I might have a concussion — in which case, you may disregard all of the above.
Abigail’s column runs biweekly Wednesdays. She can be reached at a.lague@cavalierdaily.com.
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