The Life Section of Cav Daily is basically an episode of “Full House”

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I would hazard to say that life at U.Va. cannot be summed up with a neat little lesson or be objective.

Andrew Walsh | Cavalier Daily

Let’s face it. The Life section of the Cav Daily is basically an episode of “Full House.” Sure, you enjoy its wacky cast of characters, particularly the breakout stars. You chuckle occasionally at the wild hijinks that each person manages to get into — Mary Kate and Ashley are so devilish! However, no matter how wild the storyline or how captivating the characters are, each episode is ruined by the life lesson at the end. 

Don’t get me wrong. The University population definitely needs some guidance. Heck, I need some guidance. We are honestly all garbage messes that need to get their lives together. It might be an understatement to say that we could use a life lesson or two. However, these life lessons are … how do you say … terrible. 

Here’s a fun little quiz. 

Q: Which of the following titles is an actual Life column?

  1. Brunching made less intimidating for college students.
  2. Angst in my oatmeal: How making breakfast helped me evaluate my new life as a college student.
  3. The art of being abnormal — lessons from “Spongebob Squarepants.”
  4. How the “Boss Baby” changed my life
  5. All of them

I don’t need to tell you the answer. You already know. It’s all of them. All. Of. Them. It’s almost too easy. Taking shots at the Life section is like taking shots at the Opinion section. There’s too much dang material. 

First of all, we do not need any more Life articles about the importance of studying abroad. Nobody’s like, “Gasp! A dazzling, sun-filtered semester in Italy — nay, I shan’t. It affects my domestic sensibilities. I must stay home with Papa.” You know what I would read? A Life article about how staying home is just fine, too — especially when the only affordable air travel is Spirit Airlines. I am not about to get an airline whose name is literally synonymous with ‘ghost.’ 

Second of all, I’m not sure if you are aware, but Life is under the ‘objective’ section in The Cavalier Daily. That’s right, you heard correctly. Life is under the objective section. What does this mean? Life is listed with News, Sports and Arts and Entertainment. There are people that fact-check the Life section. Now, it may just be me, but in what world is life objective? Objective is literally defined as “not influenced by personal feelings or opinions in considering and representing facts.” Um. Okay. Last time I checked, life is entirely influenced by your personal feelings and opinions. 

Perhaps if Life was in the subjective section, there would be more opportunities to express a diverse range of experiences and opinions without the fear that they need to be relevant or be tied up with neat little life lessons. Then again, we all know that the Cav Daily is not exactly a hotbed of diversity. 

Now, I recognize the irony in this. Who am I to call out Cav Daily? I am a white, middle-class kid from NOVA. I am as white as it gets. But c’mon y’all, if you look up the definition of vanilla in the dictionary, you’ll see one of those cringey Life headshots telling you that their study abroad changed their life.  

My friends, my intention is not to roast every single Life article. The Life section has featured wonderful pieces such as “The label of being fresh off the boat” and “An account of relapse and recovery on Grounds.” These articles are refreshing and eye-opening because they don’t aim to be relevant to everybody, but rather seek to tell their own truth. They are a glimpse into what Life could be — a section that features diverse perspectives and nuanced issues. 

Basically the bottom line is that the majority of stories that are being told are not representative of life at U.Va. In fact, I would hazard to say that life at U.Va. cannot be summed up with a neat little lesson or be objective. The Life section has a real opportunity to feature stories and perspectives from groups all around Grounds, yet we hear from the same white bread authors and their breakfast foods every dang week. 

Of course, we know that white bread is an important part of the food group. Personally, I love some grilled cheese on a sweet, soft piece of white bread. I love grilled cheese so much. But if I am forced to eat grilled cheese every day and hear about their amazing trip to Valencia, I am going to die. 

Veronica Sirotic is the Humor editor. She may be reached at humor@cavalierdaily.com.'

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