I've played it out in my mind time and time again.
Would I do my best John Elway, triumphantly leaving the industry while at the pinnacle of my career (which could have been my sophomore year of high school for all I know)? Would I pull a Sugar Ray Leonard, retiring at the top before lugging my aching bones back into the journalistic arena for a couple of more rounds ... or columns?
Actually, neither.
As of right now, I'm finished. The pen is returning to its scabbard, the mind is going dormant and I'm moving to New Zealand.
As Michael Jordan so eloquently has said at his many retirement press conferences: "I have nothing left to prove to myself."
Ditto. I've made U-Wire a handful of times, I've written on rich subjects ranging from the Swimsuit Issue to the Suzuki Heisman Trophy, and I've received more hate mail than John Rocker and Art Modell combined. Where are all the challenges?
Okay, so the last few paragraphs were an abortive attempt at witty satire. They were bogus.
Apparently 19-year-old Venus Williams isn't joking around, however, when she hints that her retirement from tennis may be imminent.
Much like Barry Sanders, Williams has allowed her father - the inflammatory, rabble-rousing Richard Williams - to address the media regarding her rumored departure.
Bad move, Venus. Your dad carries about as much credibility as a George Bush tax reform plan.
Need evidence? Just listen to Richard Williams as he outlines his daughter's reasons for retirement and future endeavors, all hidden beneath one giant pat on his own back.
"Venus is one of the greatest entrepreneurs in the world - next to me," Williams recently told Sports Illustrated. "She'd do so much better if she retired right now and went to build her business the way I've built mine."
A simple question for Mr. Williams (who, I might add, is in no way related to or affiliated with the writer of this column): What business are you talking about? Richard's business has been and always will be the perpetual promotion of his daughters, Venus and Serena.
Although Venus Williams currently ranks third in the ATP standings and has collected $4.6 million in her young career, she has yet to capture a major tournament. Few if any characterize the elder sister as a champion; in fact, she may be more widely renowned for her courtside run-in (literally) with Irena Spirlea in the U.S. Open semifinals, which led Spirlea to tab Venus a "bitch" in the post-match press conference.
Something also tells me it is unlikely we media types would hold Venus' sudden exodus in the same revered light as, say ... Michael Jordan or Wayne Gretzky. Unlike those two legends, Venus hasn't won a damn thing.
She's the tennis version of Shaquille O'Neal, who once commented he'd been "a winner at every level except college and pro." In simpler terms, Shaq is a royal loser.
Yet even considering his daughter's less-than-sparkling legacy, Richard Williams aspires for his eldest tennis princess to shove her rackets in the back of the closet and learn to advertise herself to commercial America as well as he has.
For Richard, it's all about the Benjamins.
"When [Serena and Venus] are 30 years old, they'll have 10 or 12 businesses," he said. "They could end up making a ton of money."
Amazingly, though, Venus appears to be buying into her father's plan. In fact, she even likens herself to her father - a potentially lethal move.
"I have a short attention span, like my dad," Venus remarked when questioned about her rumored exit.
Just what America needs: another Richard Williams.
I don't mean any offense to the man or the precocious, supremely talented Venus, but isn't this her decision to make?
When Richard boldly claims that "if Venus retired from tennis, she'd be making a statement," I must ask what kind of statement that would be.
Would she be saying that an adolescent athletic prodigy without a college degree can use a game, then greedily discard it like a losing lottery ticket?
I don't think that's the statement Venus wants to make.
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