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Apologizing to America for messed-up Texas, thanking Bush for its problems

LET THERE be no mistake; this is an apology, not an apologia. I will be making some explanations, but this column is primarily an acknowledgment expressing regret and asking pardon for faults and offenses. In our current public discourse, people too frequently put blame on others, or deny wrong-doing, instead of having the honesty to admit their mistakes. So on behalf of the 17 million people residing in the state of Texas, I issue an apology for the following:

President George W. Bush. My own family members, God bless their politically misguided souls, did their part to support Bush through contributions and votes. Texas put him on the national stage by electing him governor twice - with 68 percent of the vote in 1998. But other states have elected politicians who later made people question those states' citizens' good sense: California still has some explaining to do about former presidents Richard Nixon and Ronald Reagan. Texas particularly must take responsibility for Bush's self-image as a bipartisan "uniter, not a divider" and his "folksy" style.

Bush seems to be realizing slowly that Texas Democrats, with whom he got along so well, are not the same as New England Democrats. In some cases they are less liberal than New England Republicans. As for Bush's habit of giving nicknames like "Big George" and "Freddy Boy" to powerful people - well, let's just hope he doesn't decide to start calling Israel's prime minister "Mermaid."

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    For the record, let me also note that Texans tend to put on a little extra country for CNN's cameras. Former Gov. Ann Richards (D) may have described Bush's Social Security plan with the words "You can put lipstick on a hog and call it Monique, but it's still a pig," but she's nonetheless smarter than the man to whom she lost in 1994.

    Considering Texas' current situation, perhaps the rest of the nation might consider us to have been sufficiently punished for our mistakes at the ballot box. Bush's tax cuts have left the state with budget overruns due to the ballooning cost of Medicaid. Don't think Bush was too dumb to realize the problem, though; while running for president, he remarked, "I hope I'm not here to deal with it." ("Some Fault Bush Tax Cuts for Lean Days in Texas, New York Times, Feb. 12). It's something to keep in mind when considering his proposed cuts for the other 49 states.

    The death penalty. During the 2000 campaign, Al Gore harped on the embarrassments which are Texas' environment, health care and public services - particularly for communities along the Mexican border. However, he seldom mentioned the death penalty, probably because his position wasn't far from Bush's or the American majority's. Moreover, other states - especially Virginia - use it vigorously. But Texas takes executions' inherent irrationality to a new level. In refusing to grant a new trial to a man whose lawyer slept through his first one, the Texas courts essentially espouse the conservative clich

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