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Missing Melrose: NHL lockout leaves unexpected void

I don't know much about ice hockey. I barely understand the concept of icing, and if I do, it's only because of EA Sports' NHL '96 videogame.

With that said, I still miss the NHL. If you didn't realize it -- which is a distinct possibility -- the NHL is in the midst of a lockout. The owners and players can't resolve issues concerning their collective bargaining agreement, which must involve legions of lawyers. This lockout means many NHL players are playing in Europe or Russia, and nobody is lacing up their skates in the United States, except in the minor leagues.

Sure, I just recently found out what the Lady Byng trophy actually is (a sportsmanship award, I assume similar to the one you get in midget league basketball), but I miss certain parts of hockey. Each winter (except for the 1994 lockout, of course), I'd pour a bowl of Frosted Flakes before school, turn on SportsCenter and enjoy the NHL highlights. It's one of the only times a television personality can say forecheck, which sounds just a little dirty.

That's the thing about hockey. It fits perfectly into a highlight reel. Sitting through a game on television is tough for the casual hockey fan. Some of the players' names are difficult to pronounce, the lines change constantly, and except for the FoxTrack era back in the late 1990s, the puck is hard to see. Highlights fit hockey into a digestible package of exciting plays. Scoring takes a tremendous effort, since many goalies have on more armor than a Panzer tank and are highly skilled to boot, so the great majority of hockey goals are spectacular in some way. The body checking also translates into intriguing highlights, just like similar collisions in football.

Those big hits and skillful goals used to break up the countless NBA recaps and this year could possibly prevent SportsCenter from showing every single shot Kobe Bryant takes.

Also, while the NBA has Stephen A. Smith (who is a sheer delight during their NBA coverage), no sports analyst can replace Barry Melrose's magic. Because of the lockout, I don't get to bask in Melrose's glory, a former Los Angeles Kings coach who has a stereotypical hockey mullet and is co-host of ESPN's NHL2Night.

It does not concern me that I did not know Jerome Iginla was considered by many to be the "best player in hockey" until his Calgary Flames made the Western Conference finals. Melrose let me know on one of his numerous SportsCenter playoff appearances. Melrose is just fun to watch, no matter what he says, because he quite simply exudes hockey, functioning as a kind of walking Canadian stereotype.

So, I miss the highlights, and I definitely miss Melrose, his mullet and even his terrible suits. But, I'm also missing the inevitably bad Washington Capitals and the fodder they provide for their hometown Washington Post.

Sure, Washington has enough problems right now. Despite fans' early-season denial, the Redskins are not good and Joe Gibbs is at least a season away from finding an answer. The district also can't seem to figure out the baseball issue, as one city council woman has thrown a wrench in the seemingly smooth plans to bring the Expos to Washington.

The Capitals' demise, though, had become just as much a rite of winter as my highlight-driven interest in the NHL. Each year, Post writers spend months ripping the owners, the players, even the Zamboni driver over the Capitals' problems. Without the Capitals, the Post has to focus on the Wizards more, which is never a good thing if Brendan Haywood is playing a prominent role.

My point is this: It isn't just the die-hard NHL fans (you know the kind who grow out their own "playoff beards" during their team's Stanley Cup run) who miss the NHL. The casual fan still misses the league in some way, even if they just enjoyed making fun of it. Now, we don't get to hear sportscasters try and say "Yzerman" correctly or decide which former Soviet bloc country the defenseman is from. I'm just hoping either the NHL settles their collective bargaining problems soon or ESPN allows Barry Melrose to cover the NBA.

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