As a brand-spanking-new transfer student from Wake Forest, I started my time here at the University of Virginia like any other new student hopes and dreams about:
Getting arrested.
Basically, a mere 3.5 hours after we moved in, my friend and I found ourselves walking down Ivy Road carrying cases of beer in broad daylight. Unfortunately, in a matter of minutes, we had transformed ourselves from innocent, well-meaning transfer students who had agreed to help a fellow student “move some supplies” into a couple of under-aged, beer-transporting morons seemingly asking to strike up a conversation with the nearest police officer.
We made it one block before being stopped by undercover ABC officers, who got out of their pickup truck, flashed us their badges and told us to drop the beer. According to the officers, my friend and I faced a trip to court, hundreds of dollars in fines, a visit to the Office of the Dean of Students, possible community service and, of course, unpleasant conversations with our parents. After taking our beer away, one of them turned and said to us, “Oh, and welcome to the University!”
OK, not exactly an auspicious start. I expected to go through an adjustment period, but acquainting myself with the area’s law enforcement was not exactly what I had in mind.
I bravely put this incident of sheer stupidity behind me and set about tackling my next challenge — it was time to learn how to navigate Grounds. Unlike at Wake Forest, where such a process was mastered after a 15-minute tour, this proved to be a long and arduous task; however, after a couple weeks of walking aimlessly around Grounds, seemingly stumbling upon strange new places every day, I can now confidently say that I have mastered at least one-eighth of the area on the map.
Unfortunately, my dorm is inconveniently located in the school’s Solitary Confinement Center (Gooch/Dillard), from which, according to a recent study, students must complete the equivalent of two legs of the Tour de France to get to anything important on Grounds (except for my sanctuary, the ever-underrated Runk Dining Hall). This has forced me to obtain some semblance of an understanding of the bus system, which I still don’t have. At first I was content hopping onto random buses and seeing where they took me. Upon realizing this was the same strategy a blind, three-legged donkey would use, however, I decided to play the part of an intelligent student and learn the routes. Discovering the complexities of “U-Loop” and “Madison/Preston” proved to be easier than I thought (although they seem to be suddenly throwing Inner and Outer U-Loop into the mix, and I still don’t know what the hell those are).
Then again, it’s easy to get confused when you come from a smaller university. At Wake Forest, there is one dining hall, one post office, one bookstore, one library and one restaurant (Subway), all of which are clustered within about the same distance it takes me to walk from my room in Dillard to the bus stop next to Gooch.
Between the alcohol violation, transfer student meetings and the pursuit of directions to buildings I am already in, I feel like I have talked to more people behind desks than anyone else in the world. The most humiliating such visit occurred when I was on the prowl for those elusive course action forms (which, as it turns out, are located in my computer). Someone told me, apparently as some kind of sick joke, that they could be found in Garrett Hall. So, after asking several desk attendees in various buildings about directions to Garrett, I found the place, walked in and asked the desk attendant if she had any course action forms. She looked at me like I had tiny bunnies crawling out of my ears and said, “Go outside and turn around.” Sure enough, there was a giant sign hanging over the entrance to the building that read, “Garrett Hall DOES NOT HAVE Course Action Forms.”
Although my short time here at U.Va. has not spared me from character-testing challenges or parent-angering legal convictions, I must say that I have enjoyed my days here thus far. Clearly, I have not completely adjusted to life here yet, but with time, I’m confident I will master the ways of these crazy Wahoos. Just as soon as I figure out where their buses are going...
Nick’s column runs weekly Fridays. He can be reached at n.eilerson@cavalierdaily.com.
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