It looks like there needs to be more attention given to the groom these days with the popularity of the new man-gagement rings. Man-gagement rings are designed for a man to wear either after a woman proposes to him, or more typically after he proposes to a woman to display that he is off the market. According to both the New York Daily News and ABC News, these rings are part of a growing trend that is now affecting heterosexual grooms. However, what these rings actually represent is the newest addition to the growing trend of divorce. In 2005, according to Divorce Magazine, the marriage rate was 7.5 percent, while the rate of divorce was 3.6 percent, representing the timeless statistic that half of all marriages end in divorce. How do man-gagement rings aid the divorce crisis that greatly affects America? Man-gagement rings allow the relationship to begin on the grounds of mistrust, and that mistrust in turn leads to faulty marriages.
Man-gagement rings, as The New York Daily News points out, are considered by some to be a representation of the distrust that the two soon-to-be-married individuals share for each other. "If you think about it, a woman is engaged and wears an engagement ring on her finger, oftentimes [for] north of a year. And a guy's engaged during that same time and walks into a bar as a free man," Brad Gross of H.L Gross & Bro. Jewelers told ABC. "So I think for $350, $400 for a woman to claim her territory, it's catching on pretty quickly." ABC News affectionately elaborates on the reason a man would wear such a ring, arguing that they are forced into it, or "dragged in." In one couple that ABC featured purchasing the man-gagement ring, the betrothed groom says that even though his wedding day is "game over," he'd rather the game be over now. All of this evidence goes to communicate the idea that a man must wear an engagement ring to protect him from any potential suitors that may approach him unaware that he could possibly be engaged.
To buy a man a ring in efforts to level the playing field discredits the mans ability to behave as though he is off the market by his own will. Whether or not a man is wearing a ring will not determine if he will cheat. According to the book "The Dark Side of Communication" by William Cupach and Brian Spitzberg, "Men tend to become proportionally more jealous over sexual infidelity, whereas women become proportionally more jealous over emotional jealousy." They then go on to state how men express more desire and willingness to engage in affairs and actually commit more infidelity, experience less guilt, and justify their infidelity more than women. This goes to show how the ring will not serve as a deterrent to stop a man from cheating. Ladies, the ring will communicate that you have no trust in his ability to ward off other suitors.
What exactly causes infidelity? According to the book Surviving Infidelity, trust is an important factor in why men cheat. It suits the age old idea that your mother told you: "If you believe long enough something bad is going to happen, eventually it will." Men's Stuff also notes, "Experts say that a gut instinct is the most powerful indicator of a cheating lover. Adultery statistics state that 85% of woman who feel their lover is cheating are correct." Now, we can infer one or two things from these statistics; the first is that women have a psychic connection with a man and a bell instantly goes off every time their man even contemplates cheating. The second is that women think it so often that eventually they are correct and it turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy. This prophecy begins with the man-gagement ring.
Some may argue that a female engagement ring communicates the same idea of distrust in a spouse. The history of a female engagement ring in modern society was designed by the jewelry industry to drive the price of diamonds back up. They believed that if they made diamonds seem like precious heirlooms, such as through De Beers' "diamonds are forever" campaign, people would hold on to them and pass them down through their families. While tragically female diamond engagement rings have their roots in a commercial thought process, they do not originate from ideas of distrust. Even in 1477 the first engagement ring was given to Mary of Burgundy as a gift, not a method of control. Regardless, it is no secret that women like jewelry, and if a woman should feel as though their spouse is controlling them through the ring, they too can simply remove the ring. Should a woman give a man a ring with these ideas in mind, it would not be a trust issue. However, the reasons given by the jewelers in NYDN and ABC News do not suggest that this is the case.
While marriage and engagements are serious commitments, they are commitments in the sense that you are putting a down payment on the investment of spending the rest of your life with someone. This does not mean that the rules of infidelity have changed from the previous stage of a relationship. By giving a man a man-gagement ring, you are effectively communicating that he cannot be trusted to behave as if he was in a relationship. That mistrust is the beginning of a fissure in the trust of a relationship.
Ashley Ford's column appears Tuesdays in The Cavalier Daily. She can be reached at a.ford@cavalierdaily.com.
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