In rules of Civility & Decent Behavior, Mr. George Washington emphasizes that "every action done in company ought to be done with some sign of respect to those that are present." Civility, fundamentally, is a gesture of respect toward others. Civility fosters a stronger sense of trust among people, which encourages open dialogue on many issues.
The purpose of the University as stated in its mission statement is to "enrich the mind by stimulating and sustaining a spirit of free inquiry." When civility is present, people feel more willing to share their honest opinions. Open discourse in a democratic society and in intellectual institutions is rendered impossible when people fail to maintain composure and begin insulting one another. Justice Clarence Thomas famously linked the decline of civility to the decline of democracy in his essay "A Return to Civility." Justice Thomas believes that others will listen to the merit of our argument if we accord them with respect. Without self-discipline and decency toward others, we cannot have engaging public deliberations. Thus it is important that University students cultivate civil discourse.\nMr. Washington's short volume, mentioned previously, provides us great insight on the protocol of civility in polite societies. It contains 110 principles and guidelines. I intend to preview a few particularly important points in Mr. Washington's book.
"Sit not when others stand." This is probably the most frequently violated rule nowadays. Out of convenience, people usually keep sitting down even when others talking to them are standing up. If you stand up, the other person notices it and appreciates your respect for him or her. This past Thursday, I was having breakfast with a pledge brother. A mutual friend walked in during our conversation, both of us stood up and shook his hand. While he was initially surprised by our standing greeting, his grateful gaze told us he appreciated our civil gesture.
"Speak not when you should hold your peace." This is pertinent in the classroom setting. Interrupting the person speaking is a big temptation for many of us. But learning to listen is a great virtue. Staying silent when others are speaking displays respect. This in turn makes honest communication more likely and smooth. How can we expect others to adopt our own perspective if we do not pay undivided attention to them while they are speaking?
"Read no letters, books or papers in company; but when there is a necessity for the doing of it, you must ask leave." Today, instead of reading books, we are constantly preoccupied with our cell phones. I cannot track the countless times when I see people checking out their cell phones while talking to others. What is more absurd is that they would try to disguise their actions by hiding their phones under the table, not knowing how much more conspicuously rude the action becomes as they subconsciously acknowledge the disrespectful nature of the action. Frequently, I feel tempted to put The Cavalier Daily in front their faces and read it. Would they be okay with that?
A close friend of mine in the Commerce School told me a similar story. He recently attended a dinner during a final round recruitment process for a full-time job on Wall Street. While a few directors at the dinner table were still talking, some students (not from the University) took out their Blackberries and blatantly started fidgeting with them. You can only imagine what kind of impression these potential candidates left at the firm. In a tough job market, a move like this is deadly. But how can you blame them? We have been living in a society where people routinely fail to display decency toward others. It seems that some people are more interested in their phones than the real people around them.
Maybe it takes an objective set of eyes to realize how absurd our behavior has become. A first-year student from Ghana told me how strange it is that on the University bus, almost every student would be playing with his or her cell phone instead of trying to talk with the people around them. The atmosphere inside the buses feels very morbid because no one bothers to start a conversation with others. If we could only listen to Mr. Washington, our bus rides would be lot more enjoyable if we talked with our fellow students and quit playing with our gadgets.
This past Friday, I visited Sandy Gilliam, the iconic former secretary to the Board of Visitors and now University historian. Gilliam's phone rang amidst our conversation. Instead of picking it up like many people do, Gilliam ignored the phone and continued to talk with me. He gave me his undiluted attention despite his revered personage. His restraint from distraction during our conversation shows that he valued his time with me.
In founding the University, Mr. Jefferson wrote that the Academical Village "will be based on illimitable freedom of the human mind." By maintaining a level of mutual respect for one another, civility is one of the critical safeguards of this freedom. I therefore propose that we bring civility back to Grounds.
Paul Chen's column appears on Thursdays. He can be reached at p.chen@cavalierdaily.com.
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