As you may have noticed from past columns, I am an avid people watcher. It's one of my favorite pastimes. People really do the strangest things. Normally I would say the best insights in people watching come from catching more surreptitious activities, such as the old avoiding-eye-contact-by-pretending-to-text or the casual head tilt and shoulder brush which is actually a did-I-remember-to-wear-deodorant-today move. But today I want to discuss a phenomenon which is a little more overt, something I like to call drive-by heckling, or the passenger side window pick-up line.
You all know the phenomenon I'm talking about: female walks down the street, a car with two to four males drive by, unsolicited compliments are shouted from passing car at walking girl. Usually I'm able to discern the motivation behind human habits a little better, but I honestly have never understood this one and it usually makes me laugh whenever I try.
I can never seem to work up an explanation scenario, which doesn't end with the question, "But what are they expecting to happen?" To me this is unanswerable for several reasons. First, I can't imagine any guy is expecting a good response. I mean do you know any girl who has been the recipient of a phrase like "Oh hey girl! I like that [insert generic and slightly offensive body part compliment here]" and has responded "Why thank you! Would you mind slowing down so I can hop in the car with you and your three creepy goateed friends?" No. You don't; because this girl doesn't exist.
Second, this heckling always seems to come at the most unexpected moments. Recently, one of my friends was on the receiving end of one such shout just moments after completing a long jog. While she is a beautiful girl, ratty shorts, an oversized T-shirt and heavy sweating do not create a sexy look on anyone, so she was baffled by the attention. And the weirdest time this happened to me personally was a few years ago when I was looking through small town antique shops with my family. I was walking down the street, with not one, but both of my parents, when a guy in a large pickup truck drove by and singled me out - you can imagine how well my dad took that. Although maybe I'm overly presumptuous on that one, the truck did have mudflaps and we were uncomfortably close to Blacksburg, so perhaps the gentleman was merely excited to see a girl who was not his cousin.
I can think of no situation in which the shouters could possibly imagine they are going to gain anything from the shoutees. But maybe I'm tackling their motivation from the wrong angle.
In her book, Bossypants, Tina Fey touches on this topic and jokes that perhaps these car hecklers have a nobler purpose, perhaps they are "a patrol sent out to let girls know they've crossed into puberty." Given their odd timing, you never know.
Still, I think the thing that baffles me most is that there is no equivalent female behavior. At least none that I can think of, and believe me, I have tried - I prefer to be an equal opportunity sarcastic critic. But not once in my entire life have I seen a car full of women drive by and offer their own lewd commentary to passing men. Could that be the problem? Maybe these men are just starving for attention. Ladies - have we been selfish in not setting up our own patrol?
OK - so here comes the part of the column where you're expecting the righteous anger. You're bracing yourself for the rant about how women are not there to be objectified, how men in cars should keep their thoughts to themselves, etc. Well it isn't coming. If I thought a rant like that might do anything other than spur a string of stupid online comments then I might write one. But instead I have another suggestion. To the ladies - just laugh. As I mentioned before, I love people watching and I would be lying if I said I didn't occasionally think that some of the ridiculous things I've heard shouted from cars were funny. To the men - if you really cannot contain your urge to yell as you drive by, at least be creative with your wolf whistling. We both know nothing is going to happen, so we might as well get some amusement from it.
Katie's column runs weekly Tuesdays. She can be reached at k.mcnally@cavalierdaily.com.
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