This column serves as your friendly reminder that we have officially entered the two-week pre-Halloween period. I have personally had a mental countdown going since early September, when Yandy — the web’s greatest repository for “Mean Girls”-approved costumes — began advertising its prime selection of sexy bumblebee, naughty witch and dirty Dorothy costumes on my Pandora radio stations.
I probably should have taken it as a sign from the universe that I needed to raise my musical standards and stop listening to Katy Perry radio. Instead, I — like any girl curious as to just how they were planning to “[turn my] deepest, darkest Halloween fantasies into reality” — clicked on the ad and did some exploring. I’m happy to report they covered all politically incorrect, overly sexualized bases, including a specific category of “twerk costumes,” in case you’re worried shorts that cover your entire butt will get in the way of bringing out your inner Miley.
Needless to say, despite its brevity, my experience with Yandy was extremely scarring for both myself and the bystanders who happened to glance towards my computer screen in Alderman.
Halloween, for the exact opposite reason, is actually one of my favorite holidays — especially at U.Va. First, it lasts three nights instead of one. Second, you get the best of both worlds — trick-or-treating on the Lawn during the day and fun parties at night. If you haven’t been to the former yet, make it a priority this year — it seriously does not get any better than candy and cute babies. And third, I am proud to say I have never once, in my entire college experience, run into a sexy bumblebee.
On that note, a message to all the wonderful first years out there and anyone else who has yet to get the memo: Push yourselves and your costumes to punny new heights.
Please leave the duct tape at home and safely off your body. You will thank yourself when you are able to inhale comfortably throughout the night without breaking a rib or ripping your dress. You’ll thank yourself again when you’re job hunting two years later and don’t have to go on a manhunt to find the rando from your dorm with the photos of you in plastic body-con on Facebook.
Rather than a battle of the bods, Halloween in Charlottesville is a battle of the brains. Each year, the costumes get wittier and wittier, and I find myself with a renewed sense of faith in the intelligence and creativity of our student body.
Here are just a few of the highlights I’ve seen:
1. The giant blow up cow — including built-in fan to inflate it — with her farmer gets props for dedication.
2. Frida Kahlo — in her frame, of course.
3. Mount Rushmore
4. Alan from “The Hangover,” complete with a wolf pack animal tee, baby doll and baby carrier.
5. Don Draper/Dean Groves, for the classier men amongst us.
6. Fluffy the three-headed dog from “Harry Potter”
7. Cereal box characters: Tony the Tiger; the Trix rabbit; Snap, Crackle and Pop; etc.
8. Transformers that literally transformed into vehicles. They must have been E-School kids.
This year, pop culture has provided us with yet another plethora of heinous events from which to pull costume inspiration. I will dedicate my next column to anyone who can successfully — and creatively — construct a wrecking ball costume complete with a half-naked swinging Miley.
Now that I’ve mentioned Miley multiple times in the span of 500 words, it’s time to wrap things up. In short: I expect to see all of you out on Oct. 31 in prime freak show form. Tweet your costume ideas to me, @amalbracht, for my entertainment — and a shout out for my favorite looks. May the weirdest Hoo win.
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