Still reeling from a traumatic year in the national spotlight, on the morning of Mar. 30 U.Va students experienced yet another uncovering of a persistent problem on Grounds.
Being called the “whisper heard round Grounds,” third-year Engineering student Mark Reynolds reportedly remarked to a friend in class that the girl in the third row had “WAY too much makeup on. It just looks gross.” He then began to dig his own grave in earnest by further wondering aloud, “Why would anyone want to wear that much makeup? She must be pretty vain. She would look way better without it.”
His friend and seat buddy, who wished to remain anonymous, immediately began to edge away in his seat and proclaimed to nearby classmates that he “is totally not friends with that guy.” In an exclusive interview with The Cavalier Daily, the friend said he’d “seen enough ESPN footage of broadcast guys making offensive remarks to know that I needed to ‘get out of frame,’ so to speak, as soon as possible.”
In the aftermath of his comments, Reynolds has yet to issue an apology. Unaware of his own complicit role in the girl’s desire to cover her face with expensive products in an attempt to gain male favor, he also seemed confused as to why his advice that she might look better without makeup still perpetuated the primacy of physical beauty.
Shockingly, Reynolds contacted The Cavalier Daily of his own accord and explained that he wanted to “tell his side of the story.” In the ensuing interview, most of which the Managing Board saved to permanent record as entertainment during next year’s Christmas party, Reynolds made comment after comment that betrayed his ignorance of how male privilege works.
“Listen,” he began. “I just roll out of bed every morning and tousle my hair a bit, maybe spray some deodorant and I’m ready to go. Why doesn’t that chick study astrophysics or something instead of putting on eyeliner? It’s not like looks matter, right?”
Friends of Reynolds related his deep love of “bro country” music, in particular the song “Gimmie that Girl,” in which the lyrics express the artist’s desire to find a girl who looks good with no makeup. Reynolds didn’t seem to notice the weapons-grade amounts of product applied to the actors and actresses in the music video, in particular the girl purported to be make-up free.
Several student groups have used the incident as a platform to address broader problems in the community, citing the deeply ironic comments of the student as “smoke where there’s fire.”
Fourth-year Margaret Corum, looking up from her book of confessional erotic poetry, offered her thoughts on the matter: “I wonder if he wants us to stop shaving our legs, too? I mean, we can’t win for losing. That being said, I already stopped shaving my legs a while ago. You know what’s crazy? As a woman, I’ve literally never felt the air go through my leg hair while I run, before last week. That is CRAZY.”
University President Teresa Sullivan, in an unprecedented move, has called for all female students not to wear any make-up for the next two weeks. In an official statement to The Cavalier Daily, she expressed a desire “to basically just give our female students more free time.” The administration also recognized that some students might take advantage of the situation by not putting down their eye shadow, but ultimately saw it as “an inevitable risk of any mutual disarmament.”
It remains to be seen if the response will continue to reverberate throughout Grounds, but it seems unlikely, at the least, that Reynolds will be coming within spitting distance of a vagina for the immediate future.
Peter Stebbins is a Humor writer.
Read More
What I will miss most about U.Va.
By Kate McCarthy | 12 hours agoAh, college, the best four years of your life. As I approach my final days on Grounds, I find myself reflecting on all the memories that I have made here.
The Most Famous People From U.Va.
By Kate McCarthy | April 29, 2024By learning their stories of success, we younglings can feel inspired to reach toward great heights.
U.Va. Spirit Week 2024 dates announced
By Camila Cohen Suárez | April 25, 2024Student Affairs’ memo reads that “U.Va. Spirit Week will allow students to reflect on their role within the University system."
