My family lives approximately 9,746 miles away from me, yet my parents have this magical way of making me feel loved, content and safe over the oceans and continents that stand between us. It may seem effortless to their kids, but that honed skill of knowing exactly what to say to make the blues go away is something parents take years to master and, at the same time, are still learning.
As struggling college kids with endless work and little sleep, it can sometimes feel like parents say these things without little thought. It’s easy for them to tell us, “It will all work out,” or, “Just talk to your professor about it.” We usually resent them for saying such empty statements and not even trying to pretend that they know how you feel. What is true, however, is this is as new and hard of an experience for them as it is for us.
Sometimes, our parents feel helpless too. Their child is alone and far away. It isn’t as easy to pop into our rooms to give a quick pep talk and a kiss on the forehead. But parents won’t ever show that they are at a loss for what to do, because the last thing we need is our strongest anchor giving way.
The day I realized parents are capable of helplessness was also the day I realized they need as much reassurance as you do that “It will all work out.” My boyfriend and I are currently working on a long distance relationship, and the hardest part has been trying to find out when we can finally see each other. Needless to say, this decision needed to undergo levels of approval, about the money, lodging, duration and of course, parental-permission.
I had originally planned on making the trip in May and spending a solid two weeks with him, but all of that seemed to shatter the minute my mother told me she and my father weren’t comfortable with me going alone. Furthermore, I realized even what I had managed to earn on my own wouldn’t be enough to cover my travel expenses.
While I tried hard to not let the misery seep into my voice as I talked to my mother over the phone, it didn’t work — she could hear the deep disappointment and felt so horrible that she hung up abruptly, saying she couldn’t talk about it anymore. I sat there, wondering how on earth I could have made my mother, my strong, practical mother, so emotionally overwhelmed.
And then it hit me. I was feeling absolutely crushed, and my parents couldn’t do anything to fix it. They couldn’t even offer the most basal modes of comfort — physical contact. Their hands were tied and they couldn’t do anything that would at least give me immediate happiness because I was so far away. In addition to the distance, they couldn’t give me what I wanted and that hurt them a lot more than they let on.
That was when I realized that I needed to step in and let them know that I was going to be just fine. This was something I would have to get over eventually and it was not worth making my parents feel guilty over my moping and lamenting.
Nevertheless, my story did turn out to have a happy ending — my boyfriend’s parents generously gave him their consent to come visit me here for two entire weeks in June. Of course, I was beyond ecstatic. But along with that happiness, I recognized yet another instance where parents were willing to put so much on the line for their child’s happiness. My boyfriend’s parents were willing to pay for an expensive plane ticket and throw caution to wind by sending him all alone just to visit me.
I can only say I am truly awestruck with how much parents sacrifice, and I hope that I am never oblivious to how much they are willing to give for us. In the end, however, some things can only be realized completely when I become a parent myself.
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