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Dorm living is not for the faint of heart

Humor columnist Margaret Donaldson gives her advice to first-year students living in dorms

Once you’re moved in, I would give it about 2 hours before you’ll need to start drafting a list of things you forgot at home or just didn’t think to bring in the first place.
Once you’re moved in, I would give it about 2 hours before you’ll need to start drafting a list of things you forgot at home or just didn’t think to bring in the first place.

As I enter my second year at the University, after reflecting on my living situation last year, I’m eager to offer advice to incoming first years who might feel wary about what’s in store for them as they make their new home in Page, Gibbons or — god-forbid — Johnson or Malone. As a Gooch-Dillard survivor myself, I feel as if I possess some authority on the subject. 

First, dorm living requires a combination of physical and mental stamina you may not have tapped into yet as a mere 18-year-old. If you’re assigned anything on the third floor of Fitzhugh, start training now. I would recommend a minimum of three miles per day in the weeks leading up to your move-in, along with some heavy-weight lifting. Is there a dusty stairmaster in your parents’ basement? Use it. Move-in day will not be for the faint of heart, and you might want to encourage your parents to drive with a fury and arrive early as parking can get competitive. If you want a better idea of some of what you might witness during move-in or at the activities fair that’s close to follow, the blood bath scene in the first Hunger Games movie will give you some comparable insight, although there are some minute differences.

Once you’re moved in, I would give it about two hours before you’ll need to start drafting a list of things you forgot at home or just didn’t think to bring in the first place. Am I going to tell you that bringing a Brita water filter is a matter of life or death? No, not explicitly, but please, no matter what, invest in a trustworthy pair of shower shoes — for your own personal well-being as well as the protection of your hallmates. If neither of these are reason enough for you to spend the $14.99 at Bed Bath and Beyond, do it for me, so I can sleep well in my off-Grounds apartment with its private bath knowing you are safe. I’m begging. 

The next thing to consider is how you plan to share the new space with a roommate. Whether you met after weeding through the redundant and somewhat agonizing Facebook posts or you took a chance on rooming with a friend from high school, my biggest piece of advice is this —  expect the worst. I don’t say this to be pessimistic but rather realistic. No matter how much you love your roommate, 130 square feet of living space does not make the heart grow fonder. If you’re anything like me and have diagnosed yourself with misophonia — which is a strong reaction to specific sounds including the chewing and breathing of another person — I would try and plan a lunch date with your roomie before committing. This way, you can gauge how aggressive their chewing is and jump ship if necessary. There’s nothing worse than listening to your roommate relentlessly crunch on Pringles while you’re trying to finish your reading for ENWR. Trust me on this. 

The last and possibly best advice I can throw your way is simple — learn how to put a fitted sheet on a mattress BEFORE arriving on Grounds. Growing up, I was reluctant to learn this skill myself as one of my parents — okay, my mom — was always there to pick up my slack. It felt like something she’d be able to do for me forever. Now, even when I think the trauma has finally left me, I’ll sometimes get a quick yet powerful flashback to nights alone in my dorm, wrestling with a fitted sheet on my lofted bed, trying to stretch my whole body across a twin XL. The vicious cycle of false hope, short-lived celebration and, finally, defeat is something I want to spare you. If, however, you make the same mistake I did and arrive at the university without perfecting the art of wrangling a fitted sheet, be prepared for many restless nights on a bare mattress pad.

Margaret Donaldson is a Humor columnist for The Cavalier Daily. She can be reached at humor@cavalierdaily.com.

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