The Cavalier Daily
Serving the University Community Since 1890

Humor Column


Humor

Zzzzzzs Don’t Get Degrees

 So, before you decide to stop reading this article and go fall asleep, I present to you my three-step process for quitting. Napping that is. Not your job. I assume no accountability for that.


U.Va.'s true heroes
Humor

Recognizing The University’s True Heroes

Enough’s enough. We walk around Thomas Jeferson’s academic village daily with the audacity, no, the gall, to continually ignore the people who really matter. We let these gods amongst men go about their days with no knowledge of how important they truly are to the rest of the student body. That ends now.


Humor

What’s that smell?

U.Va. Dine took to social media earlier this week to announce the upcoming release of “The Pav: A U.Va. Dine Fragrance.” U.Va. Dine characterizes “The Pav” as a scent of nostalgia and guarantee — one that empowers the wearer to attract the Subway Lover and the Chick-Fil-A Fiend alike.


Humor

Five ways to not be bored while on Grounds

Until you lock yourself in Brown Library twelve hours straight for a quadruple-shot espresso fueled study fest when exam season comes to greet you with its cold claws, allow me to enlighten you with a few tips on how to banish your boredom.


Not only do cheaters have to buy more gifts to disperse to their love interests, but they also have to make sure they visit each person on this holiday. 
Humor

Cheater Cheater Chocolate Eater

Now, if you’re like most people, you’re either spending Valentine's Day with your significant other(s) or are in wait for single awareness day the following morning when all the chocolate is on sale. But, unfortunately, during this time of year, we fail to recognize those that are working the hardest and that deserve our appreciation the most.


An open letter to first years on what is to come
Humor

Dear first years — an open letter

Your first semester of college is almost over and you’re either thinking that this is the most fun you’ve ever had or you’re questioning if you peaked in high school. Regardless, I am here with some Third Year wisdom.


Humor

Your Personal NPC

If you have one character you see pretty often, you have a personal NPC. It’s like they’re meant to be where you are. Maybe they’re the background character in your life, and maybe they think of you as the background character in theirs.


I go to Bodos so often the workers know me by name, and I know the employee shift schedule by heart. That being said, while I’ve learned a lot about bagels, I’ve learned even more about the people who eat them.
Humor

What Your Bodos Order Says About You

I go to Bodos so often the workers know me by name, and I know the employee shift schedule by heart. That being said, while I’ve learned a lot about bagels, I’ve learned even more about the people who eat them.


Some days everything just goes wrong
Humor

A University Horror Story

I could be kidding myself, but it was at this point at which I determined my day would be utter trash. And I was right. Why else would I title this tale of sorrow “A University Horror Story” if I were not writing about a totally trash day? 


But don’t worry, real comedians, such as myself, will do absolutely everything in our power to shine through and be the saving grace of the conversation. You're welcome in advance.
Humor

The “Funny” Friend

I’m standing right here. The Witty Wahoo. The President of Jokes, Gym Rye Anne. The Quip Queen. I cannot stand it when people come for my throne. Especially people who are still trying to figure out why the chicken crossed the road.

Puzzles
Hoos Spelling

Latest Podcast

In this episode of On Record, we hear from Dr. Amanda Lloyd, director of the Virginia Prison Education Program, which offers Virginia’s first bachelor’s degrees to incarcerated individuals. Dr. Lloyd discusses how and why the University chose her to lead this historic initiative.