As much as it pains me to admit to such a typical, regular and average thing, I am from the not-so-mysterious suburban wonderland of “NoVA.”
Coming to UVA from such an infamous area as a first year last fall seemed to have its perks— growing up in close proximity to a sizable piece of the University population, yada yada yada. Nevertheless, I hoped through it all college would be able to offer me something new — something different and unlike what I experienced growing up. And thus, I made it my mission to meet more people from out-of-state. Simple enough.
Because this plan was so dead-set in my own mind, I had — and still have — a particularly difficult time understanding the onslaught of pictures of former classmates with captions reading, “high school forever,” and “no new friends,” followed by egregious amounts of exclamation points. Call me a cynic, but I’m confused: why seek out familiar faces? Where are your new people?
I’ve seen this pattern continue on through this year, albeit in another form. High school is no longer what normally connects people — first year is.
Now, of course, this makes sense. When returning to school, you’ll automatically return to whomever you were friends with the year before. You go back to those you know, those whose company you enjoy. But all too often, it becomes limiting when those old friendships, tight-knit or otherwise, consume so much time they prevent new friendships from being formed.
Of course, I’m still with my closest friends from first year and, to be clear, I take no issue with maintaining old friendships. In fact, I do that regularly (or, at least, try to,) and highly recommend looking into it if you haven’t yet. Old friends are often made of gold, but that doesn’t mean they’re the only precious relationships one should ever seek out.
The refusal to spare time with old friends in order to seek out relationships with new people — be that a conscious or unconscious choice — stems from a certain feeling of comfort. Fortunately or unfortunately, however, reaching that level of comfort eventually becomes uncomfortable in how it becomes limiting.
The problem with striving for mere comfort is it prevents you from ever looking beyond what’s right in front of you. There is, it seems, a notable difference between being content and allowing contentedness to become hyper-comfort. and contentment. You can be happy with the looks of your life at the moment, but that doesn’t mean you should let the dust fall and settle right where you are. Keep whatever object or person the dust may be falling on, but clean it, and add to it.
After all, excuse the cliche, but isn’t college about constantly striding out of your comfort zone and, in the end, leaving as a better, stronger, more versatile person than when you entered?
Somewhere, there must exist a sweet spot between contentment (for the sake of our own sanity) and discomfort. There must exist a middle ground between focusing on maintaining current relationships and cultivating other, newer friendships as well.
“Comfort” in general isn’t limited solely to the scope of relationships. Consider unwritten social laws as an example — most people will do almost anything to avoid “awkward” situations. As a result, we’re quick to talk ourselves out of potentially gratifying experiences by convincing ourselves that our present is “good enough.”
Refusing to become uncomfortable, if only for a short amount of time, could prevent one from reaching new heights: you’re happy enough with your current plans for the summer, and to be honest, you’ve got a lot of work right now, so things will be perfectly fine if you don’t apply for that scholarship you’ve been mulling over for a while, right?
Perhaps, but why not try? Embrace the temporary discomfort, and see if, in the not-so-distant future, you’re better off because of it.
Becoming too comfortable in any aspect ultimately leads to blindness about what else is available. As individuals, we should challenge ourselves to find that sweet spot, to strike that balance between contentment and (un)comfortability.
Mary’s column runs biweekly Thursdays. She can be reached at m.long@cavalierdaily.com.
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