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Denying Dubya his day in the sun

IT'S OFFICIAL: If Texas Gov. George W. Bush wins the upcoming presidential election, I'm moving to Canada. Though I'm as fond of maple leaves and Mounties as the next person, I'd rather not relocate, so I was distressed considerably when it came to my attention recently that some people are actually thinking of voting for Bush.

In fact, a Newsweek poll last week showed that Bush and Gore are in a dead heat ("Bush Cuts Gore Lead; Race Dead Heat," Sept. 23). Even a few people I know are thinking about supporting Bush. These are people who, to the best of my knowledge, have not suffered any severe head trauma recently, so the only explanation I can come up with for their behavior is that they don't know the reasons why Bush is the wrong way to go. It took some doing, but I was able to sift through them all and narrowed them down to a scant six.

Because his temper makes him a ticking bomb.

Recently Dubya got ticked off at a pesky reporter and called him a vulgar name. Not a big deal, except that the incident is indicative of a larger problem, namely Bush's temper and his apparent inability to control it. He's become notorious for a short fuse, which is something a president can't afford to have.

The job requires patience, grace under a tremendous amount of pressure, and a talent for diplomacy. Bush's temper seems to override any hope he has of possessing those traits. This is not someone I want having access to nuclear weapons.

He's simply not good at running things.

Texas is a big mess. To mention a few of the ways that Bush has screwed up the state, there's health insurance, the environment and the death penalty.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, Texas was last in the percentage of citizens with health insurance, with almost 25 percent of Texans uninsured, from 1995-1998. The state has led the country in air pollution since 1995 ("Toxic Release Inventory Report," April 1999, EPA). In 1999 Houston earned the distinction of having the dirtiest air of any city in America.

Also, Bush has overseen far more executions than any other governor in modern American history -- more than 130 so far. That averages out to one every two weeks. If the way Bush handled these issues in Texas reflects the way he'd handle them with respect to the rest of the country, it seems he is far from the best person for the job.

He's pretty darn stupid.

Let's review the evidence, shall we?

East Timorians. Grecians. His apparent lack of a grasp on the English language. I find myself surprised whenever I hear Bush say something that doesn't contain any grammar mistakes or errors. Not to mention that he went to Andover and Yale and still can't manage to pronounce words containing more than three syllables -- without sounding like Elmer Fudd, that is. His many Dan Qualye-like mistakes are a pretty good indication that he didn't get into Yale based on smarts -- nepotism, anyone? -- and didn't learn much while he was there.

The National Rifle Association would move into the Oval Office with him.

At a February NRA branch meeting, NRA vice president Kayne Robinson said that "the NRA will have ... a President where we work out of their office" if Bush wins in the fall ("Why the NRA is Making Bush Blush," TIME, May 4). The organization has also described its "unbelievably friendly relations" with Bush. Meanwhile, yet another school shooting occurred three days ago when a 13-year-old and a 14-year-old shot each other in a playground. Each boy was critically wounded. Enough said.

Because Al Gore isn't that bad.

Yes, it's sad when politics turns into a game of "who would you least like to see win." But other than the fact that he's a bit bland and lacking personality, Al Gore isn't a bad candidate and he wouldn't make a bad leader, either.

He's acted as vice president for the last eight years, years that have culminated in a booming economy. Unemployment, inflation, teen pregnancy and the number of people receiving welfare are all at the lowest rates they've been in years. No one can honestly say that the past eight years have been unfruitful.

And, as Gore said himself in his nomination speech, the presidency isn't a popularity contest. Gore's tendency to be boring isn't a good reason not to vote for him. Besides, it's better to have a president that is boring than one who gives Jay Leno fresh material every night because of all the words he can't pronounce.

I really don't want to move to Canada. So help me out. Please.

(Laura Sahramaa's column appears Fridays in the Cavalier Daily.)

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