It takes all kinds to be in the V-club. When I was in high school,\nI decided I no longer wanted to be a virgin. I was the last of my friends remaining in the precious V-club and I hated it. They would sit around and talk about sex with their boyfriends and all I could do was sit and listen or add the occasional oral sex tip. I wanted to know what I was missing.
Plus, I had this growing fear that if I didn't find the right boyfriend to give it up to in high school, then one of two fates would befall me in college. Either I would end up being deflowered by some one-night stand prick that never called me again. Or, worse, if I held out for some boy who was worthy, I would wind up a 26-year-old virgin. Nobody wants that kind of pressure.
Fortunately, when I left "the club," my fears were put to rest because I found the right guy, and I didn't have to wait a decade to get some. Moreover, when I got to college I realized that real life virgins over the age of 16 actually did exist (OK, maybe my friends were way ahead of the game). I was actually one of the only people on my hall who had ever had sex, hence our nickname: the "Virgin Vault."
Even in the hormonally driven atmosphere of a campus, I found out virgins are not as rare a commodity as I once thought.
But, why not? After all, aren't these supposed to be our best years? The time to get wild and crazy and to experiment before heading into the dull, dreary adult world? Besides, we may never again be surrounded by so many toned, good-looking young people, strutting around at the height of their sexual primes.
So what, exactly, is driving some students to lead a sex-free college career?
As far as I can tell there are three types of virgins. First, we have the God Squad Virgins. These virgins remain this way because of -- you guessed it -- religious conviction. These people are card carrying members of the V-club and proud of it. They may be hornier than hell, but they avoid sex at all costs for fear of going straight there.
Christina, a third year, says that she doesn't want to have premarital sex because of her religious beliefs. But she says it's also plain common sense not to. She makes a good point that there are a lot of reasons to wait -- STDs, pregnancy and emotional issues.
Christina also used an interesting metaphor to explain why she doesn't believe in sex before marriage.
"It's like a piece of tape on your arm," she said. "Every time you sleep with someone it's like ripping that piece of tape off. So each time you pull it off and stick it back on, that piece of tape is less and less sticky and your ability to create a unique emotional bond with your eventual spouse decreases."
I'm not sure if I like the idea of comparing sex to tape, but let's go with it anyway. My advice? You better peel that tape off just a little. If you discover you don't like your (permanent) partner's sexual stylewhen you finally do rip that tape off, it might be painful.
The next type is the Virgins by Circumstance category. These folks aren't particularly against sex, but for one reason or another they just haven't been able to grab the bull by the horns. Maybe they haven't found the right person, or maybe their sexual curiosity was stifled by overbearing parents and house rules.
Either way, exterior conditions have prevented them from doing the deed. And this makes them about a hundred times more ready to go. Will, a fourth-year, told me reluctantly that, yes, he was still a virgin. "It's partially family traditions, but mostly my girlfriend," he said with a sort of pitiful expression.
I feel for people in his situation, but I also hold them in the highest esteem.Can we say selfless? But you better believe these couples have usually perfected the art of oral sex. (I didn't ask Will about that one).
The last type, and my personal favorite, is the Virgin-Slut. You know exactly who I'm talking about. They are horny all the time, get more play than anyone on Grounds, but still are technically virgins. They always have the greatest never-have-I-ever answers.
These virgins have a version in their head of the good-girl or good-guy image. Sex doesn't fit in the picture, but they definitely want it. And they want it bad.
I used to know a girl who was a self-proclaimed virgin and very proud of it, but kept a list of every boy to whom she'd ever given oral sex. That list could have run the length of our first-year hall.
A subset of the Virgin-Slut category are people who like to have fake sex. That's right, penetration without all the thrusting and orgasms. They tell themselves "it was only in part way," or they go by the 10 second rule. As long as the activity in question doesn't exceed these boundaries, they think they're in the clear.
Elizabeth, a fourth-year virgin, admits that even though she believes in abstaining, she has towed this line from time to time.
"The first time it happened, I didn't really get how close it was, but it kind of spurred the whole curiosity," she said.
Still, while she's been in close situations, Elizabeth said she's glad she's stuck to her guns.
"I knew that I wasn't in love with him, and even though I am curious, it's just not worth it," she said.
And I guess that's just it. Sex, and any other sexual activity for that matter, is all just a matter of personal choice and deciding what is and isn't "worth it."
My friend with the tape metaphor had a point that I really liked.
"Sexual purity is not a diagram," Christina said."How far you've gone can't be measured on a chart. It's kind of a personal thing and you have to ask yourself how can you best maintain your own sense of self."
And that about sums it up, because no matter how much I joke, I still believe that personal decisions about sex are a matter of drawing your own lines and figuring out when you want to cross them.
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