ConAgra foods, owners of popular canned Sloppy Joe brand “Manwich” announced on Saturday the release of a new product: “Womanwich: Manwich for Her.” This announcement came after numerous claims of misogyny and discrimination in the company’s branding. A spokesman for ConAgra and the head of the company’s Sloppy Joe department said that the new product would be “100% organic, made using all-natural, grass-fed beef and pesticide-free ingredients.” It will also, according to the spokesman, “be dyed bright pink” and contain “the highest allowable amount of edible glitter” in a food product. “You can only put so much in before you’re legally obligated to call it a toy,” said the spokesman.
Local woman and paralegal Ivy Walker had this to say about the new product launch, “Frankly, it’s humiliating. I don’t need a man in a suit to tell me what I can and can’t eat. I’ve never eaten a Manwich, nor have I ever wanted to, and I will probably never eat one of these either. It’s insulting to think that women will be tricked into buying something just because it’s pink or made especially ‘for her.’” Walker’s sentiments echo those of many other women and men who are outraged and offended by the new product.
The product’s can will have an easy-to-open pop-tab made, according to ConAgra Research and Development, for “a more slender, delicate hand.” Its design will be simple: white with light pink accents, and in cursive lettering, “Womanwich: Manwich for Her,” along with words such as “natural,” “smart” and “yummy.” Consumers may find the product in grocery stores next to the light yogurt, in between Skinny Cow snack food products and Kashi granola bars. “You know,” the director of ConAgra’s marketing and potato chip division said, “stuff women like.”
Despite widespread criticism, many have spoken out in favor of ConAgra’s decision. Target General Manager Laura Danforth, said of the company’s move, “Well it’s about darn time. I’ve been listening to my husband make terrible Manwich jokes for years, and I was helpless to stop it. There are too many products out there already that cater to the men of the world. I want to buy this, because it’s made especially for me.”
Beyond the purely cosmetic differences between Manwich and Womanwich, ConAgra is testing never-before-used processes to ensure the success of the new product. “After conducting several scientific tests,” one researcher said, “we found that many men think women find the aroma of ground beef and diced tomatoes to be ‘hyper-masculine.’ Therefore, we developed a special culinary perfume for the Womanwich specially intended to mask these odors. We still have a few FDA hoops to jump through, but as long as we issue a warning not to eat more than one sandwich every three weeks, we think we’ll be fine.”
Others have been more ambivalent towards the new product, like high school English teacher and man, Jeremy Sherman. “Manwich, Womanwich, it’s just too much.” Sherman said. I think if ConAgra really wanted to be progressive, they’d release the Personwich, no gimmicks, no tricks. Now that’s something that I could really sink my teeth into.”
Time will tell if the Womanwich lives up to its developers’ lofty expectations, or if the product will fade into feminine snack food obscurity. But for now, ConAgra is optimistic. According to inside sources, the company has already started work on a low-calorie “Diet Womanwich” to be released in early 2019.
Jess Miller is a Humor columnist for The Cavalier Daily. He can be reached at humor@cavalierdaily.com.
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