Editor’s note: This article is a humor column.
In recent weeks, the University reported a significant rise in professor firings due to a new phenomenon of implementing Yik Yak and Yakarma, or a user’s likes on the popular app, into the curriculum. Pro-Yak professors argue they are being wrongfully punished for using unconventional teaching methods, stipulating that Yik Yak is actually a necessary part of academic life.
The reports published by the University detail instances of professors penalizing students for a lack of Yik Yak usage. The phenomenon, now known colloquially as “Yak-ademics,” has found its way into most schools at the University.
In the School of Architecture, professors have bumped students down entire letter grades for low amounts of Yakarma. Professors in the McIntire School of Commerce have gone as far as to offer employment opportunities to students with higher amounts of “general Yik Yak aura.” Some professors in the College have reportedly demanded students submit weekly reflections on their Yik Yak progress with screenshots as supporting evidence. As a result of the phenomenon, professors from the School of Data Science have requested funding for research exploring the potential increase in IQ due to Yik Yak usage.
“There is definitely a link between high IQ and high achieving Yik Yak users,” a recently fired Psychology prof. said. “There have been previous studies to bring this to light — all peer reviewed. But the administration is set on punishing us and keeping our discoveries hidden.”
The pro-Yak professors also argue that typical course content fails to test “social intelligence,” contesting that they must operationalize Yakarma to do so.
“As educators, we must think about how our students are contributing to the community outside of the classroom,” Jonathan Keating, a professor at the Batten School of Leadership and Public Policy, said. “It is no coincidence that students with a Yakarma above 3,000 have excelled tremendously in their coursework.”
Though the pro-Yak professors’ main focus seemed to be on how many upvotes students are getting on their posts, several anti-Yak professors have also reportedly penalized their students for the kind of content that they have posted.
“Listen, if you are so uncreative that the best you can come up with is a ‘touse, mouse, bouse’ ranking, then I simply can’t trust your competency,” English prof. Chad McGonall said. “On another note, just because the average on the last exam was a 23 percent does not mean you the right to make posts calling me ‘Chud McGoonall.’”
These controversial pedagogy have received massive backlash from students. Last Tuesday night, hundreds of students marched on the Lawn with pitch forks and protest signs in hand. The noise was reportedly so loud that University President Scott Beardsley — who was having beef tacos for Taco Tuesday with students in Newcomb — was alerted. He took an unprecedented stance of support for the pro-Yak faculty Monday.
“While I understand everybody’s concerns, many of these professors are tenured and intelligent individuals,” President Beardlsey said in a recent statement. “We’ve already fired so many of them, what is the harm in having a couple of strange professors? A little Yak never hurt anybody!”
Some students are also standing behind the teachers utilizing this multi-media evaluation method. Third-year College student Styler Durden with 103,000 Yakarma provided insight into why some students support the new teaching methods.
“I really think it just comes down to it being a skill issue,” Durden said. “Because I’m such a dedicated and high-profile Yik Yakker, professors have trust in my social IQ. Since they respect me so much, they want to give me more opportunities to coffee chat and intern with their colleagues — it’s really just basic networking. I think if everybody made an effort to be less squiddy, they too could succeed in life. Buy my online course for more tips.”
Since professors began implementing Yik Yak into their course curricula, hundreds of students have joined the platform and began posting several times a day. “OG Yik Yakers” have expressed their frustration with the oversaturation of posts as a result of the situation.
“Reading Yik Yak posts used to be like reading an issue of Lady Whistledown,” second-year Architecture student Mal Dunphy said. “Now every post is sloppy or reads like ChatGPT. I think the pressure to Yakarma-farm for academic excellence has hit people. There even seems to be a rise in AI Yik Yak plagiarism."
Ultimately, the University seems to be in a state of turmoil. Experts believe the problem may call for serious University policy changes if the University’s administration wants the academic environment on Grounds to return to normalcy — or at the very least, a less Yak-dominant social culture.
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