Yes, it’s that most wonderful time when all can gather round to collectively watch people forget Thanksgiving exists, and move straight on to anticipating a holiday more than a month away. But what causes this strange phenomenon, and how can you, confused University student, protect yourself from it?
Your first semester of college is almost over and you’re either thinking that this is the most fun you’ve ever had or you’re questioning if you peaked in high school. Regardless, I am here with some Third Year wisdom.
Do you like conspiracy theories? Well, friends, I am about to blow your tiny, school-induced burnout minds.
The idea of Jefferson’s ghost roaming around might be scary and you might even be considering canceling your Halloween night plans, but don’t you worry because I’ve got you covered.
If you have one character you see pretty often, you have a personal NPC. It’s like they’re meant to be where you are. Maybe they’re the background character in your life, and maybe they think of you as the background character in theirs.
If you’re reading this, I assume that means you and I are alike. Come Halloween, we share a common turmoil, if you will, over the desire to have a perfect costume but take no actionable steps to make that into a reality.
For the love of God, conduct your final streak before graduation itself.
Many teachers give the “you will thank me later in college” rules and act like if you don’t use their rules, you will fail college. The fact is that most of your high school teachers have no clue about how the college education system works today.
If you have heard of the game Minecraft, you, probably like me, initially thought it was called “Mindcraft.” However, the game is apparently less about using your mind and more about mining.
I go to Bodos so often the workers know me by name, and I know the employee shift schedule by heart. That being said, while I’ve learned a lot about bagels, I’ve learned even more about the people who eat them.
I could be kidding myself, but it was at this point at which I determined my day would be utter trash. And I was right. Why else would I title this tale of sorrow “A University Horror Story” if I were not writing about a totally trash day?
I’m standing right here. The Witty Wahoo. The President of Jokes, Gym Rye Anne. The Quip Queen. I cannot stand it when people come for my throne. Especially people who are still trying to figure out why the chicken crossed the road.
So what better way to prove my ever-growing University knowledge than to provide advice to my fellow classmates? Here are a few ways to succeed at the University, from your most qualified second year.
As a rising fourth year, guilty of only a few FDOC transgressions — all of them blissfully unrelated to fashion — let me give you a list of five things not to wear to the first day of classes.
I’d like to stay at the University for as long as possible — to the point when Jim Ryan has to personally escort me off Grounds with diploma in hand.
You may begin to fear you’re becoming stupid. But no fear cowboy. Like the devil on your shoulder, I’ve provided you with a list of five reasons why being stupid actually makes you smarter.
To make it on time for a morning class, to avoid the summer heat or to catch a late night ride home after party hopping, electric scooters are a beloved, time-saving convenience on Grounds. Although, I’ve never piloted one myself because I’m living on a college student budget and would rather use money to keep buying my weekly box of frozen waffles.
The summer time is when most fall victim to forgetfulness, but fear not, I am here to start the gears back up in your mind.
I can sum up the main reasons why using the acronym DMV – because when you think of summer, the only thing that should come to mind is the holy trinity that is D.C., Maryland, and Virginia.
Earlier this semester I found myself tangled in a romance that I can only describe as “short yet painful,” which, funnily enough, is the same way I would describe discussion sections.
