I could be kidding myself, but it was at this point at which I determined my day would be utter trash. And I was right. Why else would I title this tale of sorrow “A University Horror Story” if I were not writing about a totally trash day?
I’m standing right here. The Witty Wahoo. The President of Jokes, Gym Rye Anne. The Quip Queen. I cannot stand it when people come for my throne. Especially people who are still trying to figure out why the chicken crossed the road.
So what better way to prove my ever-growing University knowledge than to provide advice to my fellow classmates? Here are a few ways to succeed at the University, from your most qualified second year.
As a rising fourth year, guilty of only a few FDOC transgressions — all of them blissfully unrelated to fashion — let me give you a list of five things not to wear to the first day of classes.
I’d like to stay at the University for as long as possible — to the point when Jim Ryan has to personally escort me off Grounds with diploma in hand.
You may begin to fear you’re becoming stupid. But no fear cowboy. Like the devil on your shoulder, I’ve provided you with a list of five reasons why being stupid actually makes you smarter.
To make it on time for a morning class, to avoid the summer heat or to catch a late night ride home after party hopping, electric scooters are a beloved, time-saving convenience on Grounds. Although, I’ve never piloted one myself because I’m living on a college student budget and would rather use money to keep buying my weekly box of frozen waffles.
The summer time is when most fall victim to forgetfulness, but fear not, I am here to start the gears back up in your mind.
I can sum up the main reasons why using the acronym DMV – because when you think of summer, the only thing that should come to mind is the holy trinity that is D.C., Maryland, and Virginia.
Earlier this semester I found myself tangled in a romance that I can only describe as “short yet painful,” which, funnily enough, is the same way I would describe discussion sections.
Even with all of these fun things about dorm life, there, surprisingly, were still some things that weren’t the best.
You all asked, so now he is answering.
Consider basic science. Plants take in carbon dioxide and release oxygen. We all know where we’d be without them. So why not have a tiny, personal oxygen producer and air purifier?
Four semesters have passed by, and quite frankly, I do not remember much of it all. But this semester was different, in a sort of way.
Freedom of speech is once again the topic of contentious debate on Grounds after a controversial reptile presentation took place in Old Cabell Hall on Tuesday
The squirrel fears nothing, especially not you with your Roots bowl and lack of coordination.
Believe it or not, it turns out that after attending this University for over a year, you learn a thing or two about getting through it all.
Humor Columnist Celeste Nathan calls for a Spartan effort to revamp Rugby Road.
Well team, we’re back at it again.
