THEN IN a couple of minutes that bottle of Guiness is finally finished. You now officially have the right to slap bi**hes.
"WAHOOS? What the heck is a wahoo?" Prospective University students ask this question every year during tours around Grounds.
SUPERMARKETS sell different grades of eggs. Before they are shipped out to Giant, Safeway or Harris Teeter, they are inspected by the all-knowing egg inspector and given anywhere from one to three "As." This ensures that we consumers will know what quality we're paying for.
THE CRY goes up in class: "Does everyone have a chair?" More often than not, the answer is no, and students are sent out into the hallways like daylight thieves.
LIKE IT or not, Napster will die. Don't get me wrong; mp3s are an integral facet of the music industry's future.
SOMETIMES we mean what we say. Other times we say things only for the reaction they cause. When the Ralph Nader campaign attempts to portray the two major parties as one and the same, it does not really mean it.
AS A FULL-TIME student at the University, I often find myself sheltered from news of the outside world.
ANALYTICAL writing often involves searching for a common thread, a common theme that ties works or ideas together.
SELF-DIAGNOSED political junkies have focused on the obvious campaigns this fall, among them the tight presidential race and the high-profile New York Senate race, as indicators of the national political temperature.
WHAT WAS your first summer job like? Like many people, mine was at a yogurt shop, the type of place that hires high school kids.
"I think that the best way to explain pollution in Texas is to turn off the lights!" bursted Democrat Adam Green regarding Republican environmental policy.
AS KID Rock laments, there is a price you pay to be a big shot. When you're so visible, it's natural to come under greater scrutiny and perhaps even criticism.
I'VE LONG been a George W. Bush enthusiast. Which is why it has taken me so long to come to terms with the stark fact that W is a moron. Bush apologists say that a slip up here and there isn't atypical for any politician.
AT THE risk of being accused of piling on, the Ombudsman is compelled to comment on the brouhaha concerning the opinion piece by Brett Ferrell and Sam Ross on sexual assault statistics.
THE STATE of Race Relations, an organization that promotes racial equality, recently released the results of a survey conducted earlier this year.
Brett Ferrell and Sam Ross's Viewpoint column ("Bogus one-in-four rape statistic," Sept. 12) represents the authors' ignorance and insensitivity, and its publishing did a disfavor to everyone at the University. I do not believe that the authors have any right to question the one-in-four statistic on the basis of the evidence gathered from the University Police Department.
IMAGINE that your house has been robbed. You are distraught because your house has been ravaged, and many of your personal possessions have been taken.
Bryan Maxwell's column ("Constitution speaks for moment of silence," Sept. 13) has convinced me that a moment of silence at the start of a school day isn't unconstitutional, but since when does that make it a good idea?
MAN, THIS is one violent country we live in! From video games to movies to music, one can't help but encounter extreme violence in popular media at least once a day.
SO OFTEN in life some lame copycat idea seeps in through the cracks, has its 15 minutes of fame, then thankfully disappears to product purgatory, never to be seen again.
