Let me introduce you to most Life columns. This space is reserved for a witty and poignant statement. I personally like to use a lot of foreshadowing and be deliberately vague. It's the hardest part of the column writing process, and today I welcome you, the reader, into this process.
I won't lie, I initially submitted an application to become a Life columnist because I thought it would be an easy way to add some clips to my resume. Write twice a week and have a nifty title at the student newspaper? Count me in.
I certainly won't argue it's the most difficult position, but it's not exactly a piece of cake. There's a long thought process involved in writing a column. And let's not forget the many concerns which come up along the way - though by reading this far, you've already eliminated one on my end. Now allow me, if you will, to lead you on a journey through a column's development.
Brainstorming is the initial leg of the column-writing marathon. I often romanticize this stage, most likely giving far too much credit to my creative processes and forgetting my undeniable inclination to procrastination. I like to think I can go about my daily life and I will have the Hollywood "Aha!" moment, during which the perfectly relevant column idea will hit me with such intensity that I will have to find the nearest computer and type down my thoughts. Et voila - a column.
This rarely happens. And by rarely, I mean it has happened once. I thought I had a good idea during a class and typed out a few sentences on my cell phone because laptops weren't permitted. As soon as the professor dismissed the lecture, I sat down in the hallway so I could crank out my column. But then I opened my phone and felt immediately confused by my cryptic notes. How could I produce anything from my "wake up cereal vegetable pancakes monsters now team happy" note? It was back to the drawing board.
Trying to think up an interesting and relevant idea is surprisingly difficult. What do people my age want to read about? This is my column, but how much do I include my own experiences? How much liberty do I have to make a controversial statement? Is everyone going to hate me?
Then I remember most of my readers are my friends and family, and I feel much better. Hi, guys! Thanks for reading this far.
Eventually, however, a workable idea does come. If I'm really lucky, maybe I'll even have more than one idea. Usually they are rough, hazy targets of some grandiose idea I'd like to communicate in 600 to 800 words. These ideas are not always diamonds, but they'll do.
After brainstorming, the writing begins. I like to open Word documents for each idea. I start by working on the first until I hit a wall. Then I switch to the next and do the same. Eventually some usable, maybe even good, ideas show up, and then I'm cooking with gas. I'd like to point out that this process, while mandatory, is completely deceptive. As you're typing, you feel productive. You truly believe you're making genuine progress, forgetting that you'll probably toss all but one piece into the trash bin at the end.
When one document seems to be filling up quickly, I pour all of my mental resources into finishing this idea. This is the big one. This is it. This is the one which all 10 of my devoted readers have been waiting for. Eventually I meet the word count, all the relevant information seems to be intact and I find a sense of completion, if not satisfaction, in my work.
That is, until the editing process begins. If I had a nickel for every time I asked myself how I could have used a particular syntax or grammar construction, I would pay someone to make a very clever pun here.
After I add the final touches to the column, it passes up the newspaper's editing ranks until it is finally immortalized in written history in an issue of The Cavalier Daily. There's nothing like seeing your name in print.
Honestly, I like to pretend each of the columnists endures a similar process every two weeks as his individual submission deadline approaches. This is wishful thinking, of course, and I'm quite sure they find their Hollywood "Aha!" moment with ease.
I hope one day this column thing gets a little easier. Maybe I'll use the next two weeks to brainstorm. Oh, I almost forgot. Right here I need one last memorable sentence which ties everything together.
Tyler's column runs biweekly Wednesdays. He can be reached at t.deboard@cavalierdaily.com.
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