Editor’s note: This article is a humor column.
As students have finally finished coping with being accepted to their seventeenth choice for a study abroad program, they now have to deal with preparing for their departure from Grounds.
This semester, students abroad will be taking barely any credits, attempting to learn new languages and fully immersing themselves in the sophisticated culture of foreign bars. They’ll also be convincing themselves that the 1,000 dollars they’ve saved up from their Saxby’s job will somehow be enough for 15 straight weekends of Instagram-worthy experiences. If this sounds like you, before you fully embark on the trip of a lifetime and make memories — or memories you might not quite remember the next morning — here are a few things to do back on Grounds that demand your attention.
1. Figure out your housing so you don’t return to Charlottesville homeless
Before you start dreaming about European apartments with balconies and overpriced espresso, you need to take care of your current American apartment with no balcony and fifth-hand furniture. This means spamming GroupMe sublet groups and begging the returning study abroad students to take over your lease. You may also want to start progressively distancing yourself from your roommates and introducing your new subletter, so nobody wakes up one morning to a stranger in their place. It’s easy to get caught up in planning weekend trips between continents and forget you’ll need a place when you return. Keep your roommates updated and maybe bribe them with small gifts, so you can eventually beg your way back into their housing plans.
2. Start slowly ghosting all of your clubs
These are the clubs you’ve been committed to since first year, but now you’re trying to fade because you’re about to live the “best months of your life” this semester abroad. Start to progressively de-load meetings by racking up absences and hitting up members on exec with “hey, I have a conflict” texts. If you’re on exec, this can get confusing, so start vetting potential replacements for your position. Doing a prolonged exit might feel like a waste of time, but in this case, it lets you offload your club duties while leaving the door open to come back for your final semesters. It also keeps your reputation mysterious and nonchalant for your return.
3. Download Duolingo
Yes, that little green owl is about to become your most judgmental travel buddy. You might think you’ll magically pick up the language once you’re abroad, but you actually need to know the basics first. Some essential sentence structures to get down are orders, directions and questions such as “Can you make that a double?”, “How do I get to the nearest bar?”, and “Can you take a picture of me?”. Download Duolingo now and start practicing, even if it’s just a few minutes a day. You’ll probably forget most of it once you land, but at least you tried. And the owl’s daily passive-aggressive reminders? They’ll make sure you sound like a somewhat-seasoned tourist who’s been there before, rather than an annoying tourist who clearly hasn’t.
4. Figure out a chic way to explain where you’re from in the U.S.
When interesting people you meet abroad ask where you’re from, “NOVA” won’t make any geographic sense. “Just outside D.C.?” Nobody knows what that means in Copenhagen. And if you say Virginia … well, outside the U.S., most people have no idea where that is. You’ll need a concise explanation that makes sense in multiple languages or at least earns a polite nod instead of a blank stare. Practicing now will save you from spending 30 minutes trying to narrow it down to the nearest place they might recognize — New York City. A little rehearsal ensures your hometown feels both relatable and chic, impressing your international friends while avoiding judgment about your lifelong attachment to the Lawn or your beef with Virginia Tech — two things no one abroad knows about.
5. Make a plan to stay normal when you come back
When you come back, you have to make sure you don’t turn into That Person. Yes, That Person, the one notorious for saying things like, “In Spain we used to say ‘gracias’,” or sharing how public transport in Germany was so much better than the buses in Charlottesville. Otherwise, all your friends you accidentally ghosted while abroad won’t take you back so easily. This is also a guaranteed ticket to being featured in the next “To the annoying person at Shannon that…” Yik Yak post.
Set some ground rules now, and maybe tell your friends to call you out if you start to act overly sophisticated, insist on walking everywhere or bring up the fact that European clubs don’t open until 2 a.m.. The goal of staying normal isn’t to forget everything you did abroad — it’s just to internalize your trip and avoid bringing it up every five minutes.
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