I'm still in Asia, and I've realized that there's actually very little difference between my adventures abroad and my adventures at home.
America: When I was four, my mother took me to a playground. I crawled into a wooden tunnel (this was back before "plastic" was invented). I saw a spider and cried and demanded my mother come in after me. The tunnel was made for ages five and under. Needless to say, my mother was not five. She ended up stuck and I ended up crawling out the other side. Instead of getting help, I played on the swings.
Asia: When I was 21, I had a flash of déjà vu when my mother and her backpack became lodged in "Narrow Gorge." Pinned between two rocks, her greatest wish was for someone to free her of this burden (sounds like what she told me when she dropped me off for college. Right off Rte. 29 in front of K-Mart). Like the considerate daughter I am, I took pictures of her from the front and the back.
America: I watched a movie starring a girl with long black hair. There was also a lighthouse and a cliff and a well. And she came out of a television.
Asia: There are girls with long black hair everywhere. I have a television in my host family's house. I went to go visit a lighthouse on a cliff. It was like I was living the movie.
America: One time I went and got my hair cut at Hair Cuttery. The woman told me my hair wasn't the right "texture" for the style I wanted. She then proceeded to style it for me. She gave me a shoulder length "bob" with bangs. And then she used a curling iron to make my bangs curl in and part in the middle. It was horrendous.
Asia: One time I went and got my hair cut at a salon. I cannot begin to describe what my hair currently looks like. If Toadstool from Mario Brothers (the one that has a mushroom for a head) had bangs and a mullet, and if he were Asian and female, we would be the same person.
America: In fourth grade, I used to collect stickers. And for a brief period, pogs. I am not ashamed.
Asia: Every time I spend approximately $3 U.S. at 7-11, I get a collectible magnet. The magnet depicts "Little Ding Dong," a blue big-headed cartoon, vacationing in different spots. In "United States," Little Ding Dong is sporting a very trendy pair of American flag pants, made popular by the international blockbuster "Napoleon Dynamite."
America: In high school, a few friends and I went on a picnic in D.C. A homeless woman came up to us and asked for money. We didn't have any on us, so we offered her some of our salad. She said she didn't need lettuce, she needed diapers for her baby. She then tried to trade us her baby for our chicken.
Asia: A friend and I went on a run in a local park. We saw a baby in an unattended stroller. We did not approach to investigate for fear of bird flu, possibly concocted from a chicken.
America: Friends of mine enjoy a game called "Awkward face." They go to parties, bars, any social scene, and find an awkward situation. Then they stand next to it, make an awkward face and take a picture. For example, if a frat brother says, "Hey, we have scabies in this house. Take off your shirt so I can check you for symptoms," one person must stand next to him and make the awkward face while another person takes a picture. It has to happen in 0.29339 milliseconds. These people are professionals.
Asia: I am slowly introducing the "awkward face" game to Asia. First, a lot of teenagers like to hold hands and kiss in the local park. Of course they find secluded and sometimes dark spaces. Second, I do not have a partner for this game, so I must make an awkward face while simultaneously taking a picture. To capture the moment, I jumped out from behind a tree and interrupted a couple mid-coitus. Unfortunately, the picture I took is only the top of my head. Even more unfortunate, my interruption may have resulted in an untimely climax. Awkward.
In truth, Asia and America are no different. Both places start and end with the letter "a" and they both have one "i." If I couldn't read, I would think they were the exact same thing.
Winnie can be reached at winnie@cavalierdaily.com.
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