THE LOCATION: a key battleground state. The family: Mr. and Mrs. John Q. Public. The telephone rings at 6 in the evening. "Hello?" "Hello, is this Mrs. Jane Public?" "Yes.
THE STAKES were high: 85 minutes, six and a half weeks of material, 50 percent of the course grade.
PUNDITS nationwide complain about the American electorate's apathy. Maybe it's because inspiration for one-liners has virtually disappeared with Ross Perot.
THERE is one home football game left. Many of you are now thinking about one important question, namely, "who cares?" A wise response, dear reader, a wise response.
I TALK to myself. I admit it, I do. Just yesterday I found myself very loudly debating the skirmishes in the Middle East with, well, me. This conflict scares me, and it should scare you too.
MANIACS do not negotiate. They pretend as if they do. They sign agreements that they never intend to keep.
EARLIER this month, the Ombudsman's column addressed the issue of balanced coverage as part of examining the most common reader complaint - that an article in the paper wasn't "fair." The other aspect, which was set aside for a later time, was subjectivity in reporting.
THEY DEBUT on the Howard Stern show. They dance in Blink 182 music videos. They appear on fashion show runways. Recently, dwarfs have become "in" - the hip novelty that makes a splash at any event.
GIRLS in the football locker room - a dream for most hot-blooded boys. For some female athletes, though, it is also their dream.
THE HOLY Spirit works in strange ways, according to my friend Shelly. Her e-mail informed me that Vice President Al Gore had remarked once that his favorite Bible verse was John 16:3, while meaning John 3:16.
NEED SOME extra cash for that weekend bar excursion? How about a 50-50 shot at a few hundred million dollars?
FELT like a criminal the other day as I put on my khaki pants. I had scoured my dresser for other pants, any other pants, but laundry day had come and gone unheeded and I absolutely had nothing else to wear.
In recent days, two specific gay rights issues have hit close to home. As many students are aware, some think that the ROTC program at the University shouldn't be allowed to operate on Grounds because it discriminates against openly gay people.
SOME PHRASES just are contradictions in terms. You park in a driveway but drive on a parkway. Study breaks are breaks from studying but smoking breaks are breaks for smoking.
MAYBE you dealt with them last week. Maybe you are dealing with them right now. Perhaps you are one of the lucky University students that did not have to deal with them at all this semester.
POLITICIANS are known for their rambling mouths. The third and final presidential debate was no different in this respect, with hackneyed phrases and big words being thrown around like frisbees.
I WROTE two papers last night. I haven't slept for a week. I have five midterms. This is the week from hell.
FRANK Zappa is the Messiah. "All this speculation/About my destination/Is killing me" - Acoustic Junction.
IT'S NOT IHOP, but it will be open 24 hours. Soon, thanks to the efforts of Student Council President Joe Bilby and other representatives, students will be able to go to Clemons Library whenever they might go grocery shopping at the 24-hour Harris Teeter.
KERMIT said it best: It's not easy being Green. Admittedly, he was referring to being an amphibian, not a supporter of Ralph Nader's presidential campaign.
